So I've been missing in action for a while. I've really been struggling with depression and not wanting to interact with anyone including my own family. Most days I have to fight off the urge to just hide in my room because I know I can't do that to my kids. I grew up with a parent who would get depressed and go to bed for weeks and I refuse to let myself become that. But it's gotten really hard.
It just feels like the darkness I've been circling has swallowed me whole and I'm drowning. I know I have people who care, I know I could reach out but I don't want to... it's gotten bad enough that there have been nights I've just laid in bed crying and wishing life just came with an off switch.
So I'm trying to force myself to try, to remember that this isn't me... at least I hope this isn't me...