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  1. Past hour
  2. The NL Avie Store

  3. Questions

    Why do you need a higher number?
  4. Alphabetical Word Association

    quiver
  5. TV Shows

    It's not "meh", it's just different. I'm rather enjoying it. The second season of Chance starts over here on Friday, looking forward to that. And The Flash and Arrow start again this week, too.
  6. Why.......?????

    Why does the music always sound bad when your on hold FOREVER.
  7. Welcome..... back

    Gone for a bit a whole bunch of new/familiar faces. Hi again RD and Rio!! Nice to see you again. CJ!! I see you there too! Thank you Timber for the emotes!!! Haaa I have tons more if you still want more.
  8. The Last Movie You Saw: At Home or Theater

    Bone Tomahawk. Very grisly, but good.
  9. SquarePeginaRoundHole

    Thank you, @Tika.
  10. Today
  11. Thank you. I'm pretty fond of it, too. It's been really interesting to live and, when I reflect on current passions, I'm surprised. And pleased. And just super motivated. (Well. When I'm not busy being distracted and/or depressed. ) And I love that you're pleased with your career. AND that it sort of interacts, in a way, with what you'd love to do. Like. Not 100%, but that you're making things, so when you have the time and money isn't an issue, you can take all of this knowledge and these skills and pour them into the rest of it. I love building blocks. AND Shamanism. SUPER baller. I fucking dig that, lady. Also love rural communities, I totally feel you. There's something about them. I grew up in a small, rural city (well. Formative-ly. We moved around a bit) and live in a not-huge city nestled among many small, rural communities. Ima stay here and work with these people, if I have my way. I totally understand this. And that you're interested in helping folks. You're speaking my language @Phoenix. Thanks Wolf! Again, it's a strange journey. But it's mine and I'm proud of it. I love that you're so into teaching. I suspect you are amazing at it, also. We've never ACTUALLY met, but you're just so kind and thoughtful and compassionate and motivated to help and care for people, you would be just so naturally gifted at, and comfortable with teaching. It just seems to fit. And the web and sports work. I love that, also. Super cool to fit passions and interests in wherever possible. No such creature as "just." Also, SB baristas help make my life a far, far better place. The ones I see, well beyond making a beautiful cuppa, are kind and genuine and happy to chat. They're good people doing a good job and while they're not necessarily in their forever place, like you, they're doing what they do to get there. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...! I LOVE that. Love. I love that you love what you do and that what you do is caring for people. It fucking tickles me. And to be there for people, to just give them space and also hold it for them. And to be involved in hospice care to a degree. (I volunteer for our local hospice house and it's incredible. Our caregivers are amazing, and the guests. Wow. To be able to be involved in someone's life in that way is a rare honour and privilege.) Well that's beautiful. And sad. But I'm so glad she was able to be there with him. That he had a person he truly cared about there with him.
  12. Weather

    We also just, on Saturday, had pretty lasting snow. Several inches, actually. Well. WE did, in my area of town, but downtown was just a skiff. Still, good excuse to test out the new truck. It's cold now, though. Definitely real Fall. It's also wet. I think I need to go clothes and shoe shopping for the season. (LARGELY because APPARENTLY my flats have holes in the bottom of them. I found this out yesterday when I walked over rain water, not through puddles, and my shoes, socks, and feet were soaking and cold. /Sigh.)
  13. Research project help?

    So, looking at the societal expectations of women after loss of an infant? Specifically what... like, if there was amount of time that was acceptable to grieve, expected to get back on the horse so to say, expectations of dress and decorum. Or possibly what the loss said about woman and how the community viewed the individual. Or possibly what the religious implications were. I'd imagine focusing on that time frame would look more at miscarriage and stillbirth, or maybe compare those to the grief or views should the child survive birth, but pass away after some time had passed. Or what the overall impact of infant mortality meant for woman expected to bear children to their husbands, and what the stress such knowledge would have on woman, and whether how they handle that stress and the societal pressure would have an effect on time spent grieving a loss (ok, this would probably be rather difficult, searching for correlations in a not-modern time period). I don't really know, i'm just throwing things out in the void at this point lol
  14. I need to narrow my topic for a research paper for the History class I'm currently in - The History of Childbirth and Women's Bodies. I want to focus in on pregnancy and infant loss (miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth and the like) and how women were expected to behave in their grief and mourning process. But, that's too big. So. I need to narrow. I'm just not sure exactly how to go about doing that. Would it help to choose a timeframe? Probably. I like the idea of middle England (LARGELY because pre-Anglican midwives were actually given the rite of baptism in emergency situations, due to infant loss and the barring of men from the birthing chamber. Because that's fucking brilliant and I am in awe of it), but I think colonial America would be fascinating and much more in line with my actual interests (modern reactions to pregnancy and infant loss, and grief and bereavement). AND I think I'd like to focus on midwife birthing, largely because it's my personal favourite model of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum healthcare. Help?
  15. Thank you, Wolf. Prof said that the errors I made (largely in Chicago citation style - because not MLA) are "wholly avoidable given how well {i} write," and then said that it "bodes very well for {my} final research paper." I'll stop about it now, but. This. Guys. It's about women's health and pregnancy (a HUGE passion of mine), it's a fourth year History class (which is a huge deal, and a steep re-learning curve, considering I was awarded my degree in '05 and that's the last time I wrote a legit paper for a fourth year course), and it means that I'm doing OKAY at keeping up with this semester, which gives me hope for grad studies. My life is a bullshit mess of rubble right now, this is a really cool thing to hold on to.
  16. What made you sad?

    I'm feeling exceptionally lonely today. Just. So alone and so lonely. And I asked a question last night that I didn't have to ask, in order to make plans I hope I never have to execute. Kind of like going for a walk on an overcast day with an umbrella - you bring it just in case you need it, but you hope you don't need it. I have plans in place so that I have them if I need them, but I hope I never need them. (VAGUEPOSTING, I know. Sorry folks, it's about as specific as it's going to get.)
  17. Missing - Part 1

    Arrrggghhh... you keep starting things and I get excited and then you start another thing!!! It's a good start. Another good start.
  18. I love writing.  I just posted another story.

     

    There is just something so nice about writing.  Yes, I know this is another Part 1, but sometimes I need to get things out.  :) 

  19. What made you laugh today?

    So at work last night I had to put cream on this gentleman's private bits... And apparently he enjoyed it so much he asked my co-worker out 5 times because he thought it was her (it's the little things in life lol)
  20. My Fairy Tale

    ~hugs @hirondelle & @Timberwolf~ That's just what it took to make it to adulthood... I try not to live with regrets although I fully realise my childhood screwed up parts of me. But it also made me who I am. And on my good days I really like who I am, and on the other days I'm glad I'm strong if nothing else. I had a therapist try to do hypnotic regression therapy with me once to help my ptsd but I couldn't do it more than once.
  21. The Woods

    Looks up at @Lightningfall and winks and then lays his head back down and moans.
  22. My Fairy Tale

    Oh @Tika. That is so hard! I wish you didn't have to go through all that. Nobody should have to go through that.
  23. Amusing Pictures

    I know this isn't a picture, but I didn't know where else to put it and it's just too damn funny not to share. Thank you @hirondelle
  24. My Fairy Tale

    tough story @Tika I am sorry you went through that
  25. TV Shows

    I'm still watching Star Trek Discovery, and while I'm glad a Trek TV series is on, it's still meh. Only character I'm into is the captain.
  26. My Fairy Tale

    So my story is much more like the Grimm tales, dark and full of monsters with some moments of clawing your way into the light. But if you want that light you have to earn it... So... once upon a time there was a girl. Curly haired and innocent and sweet, not a perfect angel and never would be but certainly less weathered then the current version. As she grew she went through the things most kids do, skinned knees and imaginary friends. Some good friends but she was by nature a shy child, always towards the outside of any group. The mother was a bit on the crazy side sometimes, not evil stepmother material but she battled with her own demons and the girl tried to fight alongside her but she wouldn't understand for a long time what depression truly was, or anxiety, or stress or how hard it was to raise a child without a father. And there was no real father in this fairy tale. There was a man who came to see her every few years and sometimes he would remember to send a Christmas present or a birthday card. She didn't realise it then but this is probably where her desperate need for the attention of men began. There was also a stepfather but he was also distant, a scientist who looked at her more as a case study then a daughter. He tried but fatherhood wasn't in his nature. Then she hit those magical years otherwise known as puberty and found drama and rumors and boys... oh to have never discovered boys... it was a slippery slope to nowhere after that. Her first boy seemed sweet at first. The neighbor boy from up the road. All the things a first boy should be, holding hands and akward kisses. But then one day he brought his older cousin with him, the popular boy at her school, good looking, the one she had secretly crushed on a little but never said anything. That memory is still one of those strange things where parts are crystal clear and parts are lost in a fog. She remembers the hands on her, rough, painful. She remembers the hand on her mouth covering her screams and the tears. But then it all fades away, a dark cloud until she was somehow back in her house, in the shower, crying, bleeding, wondering what she did wrong. This went on for almost a year. Threats of hurting her or hurting her family if she said anything or if she stopped seeing them. Some times are again as clear as daylight. "How can you scream with my dick in your mouth" is one that always replays even now. Finally she moved to a different town and it ended. But the damage was done, the rumors at school that she was a whore, even though she never did say anything. The inability to feel worthy of love grew further. Then at 15 on one of the few trips to see her father in another state she met the first "one" and fell head over heels. He was cute and sweet and he told her he loved her and she gave him all she had to give at the time, which looking back now wasn't really much but then it was everything. They spent a few short sweet weeks together and she returned home, promising to be true and always love him. And she was true. But he wasn't. Eventually the distance became to much, the calls and the letters stopped. So she gathered up the pieces of her heart and moved on. Except she didn't.. a couple of years later she went back to Michigan and started seeing the first "one" again. But this time she met his friend too (unknowing that the first one was cheating on her and wanted her to date the friend). This however turned out to be a blessing in disguise as this new boy was so much more. This one was actually good and decent and finally 5 years after the loss of her virginity she learned that there was pleasure in sex. Although that relationship didn't last either this one she still remembers fondly and still speaks with every once in a great while. During the long cold winter that was her senior year she came to know the man who was her father. And she came to see he really was worthless as a father. He drank himself unconscious every night, leaving her to get a full time job after school just so they could eat. He lost their house in February, which could have been a frozen death sentence but they managed to find a 3 room house (and that term is very loosely used) as this house had been stripped of most of the light fixtures, had no running water and barely any heat. The grades she had worked so hard for fell dramatically and she barely managed to graduate and flee back to Wisconsin. This pretty much brings her story into adulthood. Well legal adulthood, since mentally she had been forced into adulthood a long time ago. The story of course doesn't end here but it's enough for now...
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