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Tika

Love Stories

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On 14/10/2017 at 1:13 AM, Tika said:

I love that we're getting the story from both of you.  I love you guys @Squarepeg & @Songmistress

Thank you. We love you, too, @Tika. :x

 

Yes, it was Dana who finally convinced me to go back online and check all the messages I had been getting. It was also Dana who brought to my attention that Jamie did have a depth of feeling for me that I hadn't been able to let myself believe was there, for fear of another disappointment in my life.

I signed in invisibly and looked at all the posts that were about my absense. Then, I went back and read the poetry thread; I went through all of @Squarepeg's poems again, and I saw it: they were about me. But, I didn't even know if he realised how he felt or if it was a subconscious thing. I remember sitting there and thinking how tragic the whole thing was. A tragic love story.  I had no clue what Jamie was prepared to do.  I simply saw the whole situation as impossible and, therefore, tremendously heartbreaking.

To cut a bit of this long take short, I finally sent a message to Jamie, via IM. I still didn't want to deal with the board, so I stayed invisible on there, and also it was only to Jamie that I made myself visible on the Yahoo IM thing (we all used back then). 

 

And, I honestly do not remember when we finally made it clear to each other how we felt.  But, it obviously happened.  I didn't know what to do. But, Jamie immediately started making plans. Plans to leave the abusive then-wife. Plans to move back in with his mum until he could secure a place of his own. And, most importantly, plans to come and visit me in the States at Christmas. 

 

He did actually ask me to marry him before we had met in person.  And, I said yes. 

 

----------

 

to be continued....

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To speed this narrative along, Jamie did come to me at Christmas, and a number of simply magical things happened to confirm our desire to be together.  He returned twice more to visit me in The States and I began the arduous process of securing a passport.  Things that should be easy, for me they are often not.  Life likes to make things that should not be a challenge (and aren't a challenge to most others) into a near impossible mission for me.

 

After a stupidly long time (which included having to appeal my own fucking government to get one), I finally got the passport. Yay! I'm going to England!  Woohoo....

 

so I thought. I had checked out the UK Home Office website and felt I was up on what I needed to do and have.  The site informed me that I didn't need to apply for a visa if I was coming over for 6 months or less.  So, I decided to go for this option, under the impression (from other stories of people I had read) that I could sort out whatever else I needed to do once I was over there and I'd have Jamie to help me.

 

At the tail end of April 2004, I boarded a plane and took an 8 hour flight, in coach, no sleep (because I can't do that sitting up), and flew into London Gatwick (this is another name for the 9th circle of hell where demons in the guise of immigration officers wait to pounce upon you and torture you until your longing for death is so great you are begging them to have mercy and, please, give you cyanide gas or an overdose of morphine or hemlock, or SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to stop the pain...and, I am NOT exaggerating).  It was bad then.  It is worse now.  I suggest you just don't travel. Ever. And, by all means, don't you dare fall in love with someone in another country...it will fuck you up!).

Yes, at this point, @Tika, she was, indeed, getting mauled by the shrieking eels. 

 

and...to be continued.... if anyone is still interested, that is....

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No not the eels!  :/

~is still waiting as patiently as she can for the next bit~

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I'm also still interested. Travel isn't that bad though, I do it a lot so I am pretty used to it.  But yes immigration can be evil, especially if you answer the questions 'wrong'. ;)

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On 21/10/2017 at 4:35 PM, hirondelle said:

I'm also still interested. Travel isn't that bad though, I do it a lot so I am pretty used to it.  But yes immigration can be evil, especially if you answer the questions 'wrong'. ;)

Oh,  travel can be good.  I wish I had the money to travel.  But immigration is evil.  And it's only getting worse. It is horrifying to think that if Jamie and I were to having to face the red-tape today, the fees have become so high that we would not ever be able to be together. The government has made it so that only the rich, successful, white, privileged can ever hope to get indefinite leave to remain. 

 

I'll try to sum up the rest of this, as is getting a bit silly long now. 

I was interrogated for two and a half hours and threatened with deportation. Somehow, by some miracle, I managed to get in. 

This was the end of April, and my first English Spring.  Looking back, it's pretty fucking amazing that we ended up together.  Besides the immigration horror, there was so many hurdles... machinations of people who didn't want us together.

We did marry in  September, then I had to go back to the States in October to apply for my spousal visa.  I haven't been back to America since then. It is a sadness that I cannot see my family there. But, it is what it is. And, England is my home. 

 

So much stuff and things. Fifteen years; a lifetime, a blink of an eye. More immigration hoops to jump. A miscarriage. Kids. More machinations of the malevolent.  Our own human stupidity (which is exceedingly tremendous). My illness(es). Dreams dying. Dreams resurrected. Dreams reborn.  Reality. 

Jamie is a rock in the relentless, never ending storm of the bastard that is life.  We, honestly, never get a break from the onslaught of shit it throws at us.  But, there are the occasional moments of happiness. 

I don't think happily ever after is possibility. Anyone who says otherwise is, well, you know, back to Princess Bride, anyone who says otherwise is selling something.  All we ever get are moments. These are the sparkles in the hard, black mica of existence.  They are the only saving graces in a wasteland of time and pain. We get moments. And, some moments are worth breathing for, for awhile. 

 

This story doesn't have an ending. It's ongoing. And, it will live long after us in our children and in scribbled, tear-soaked, lines of poetry... Beyond the Stars and Past Eternity. 

 

Edited by Songmistress
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Great non ending @Songmistress.  Not sure about the back mica business but life sure isn't as easy as they made it seem when I was a kid.  What sucks is that grown up doesn't feel anything like as stable as it looked back then.  Life is hard, like granite... but not black.  More like slate grey granite with some pockets of sparkling quartz. The geology of life. Heh.

At least love is really fucking powerful. Life saving. Thank you @Timberwolf and @Songmistress and @Squarepeg and all the other people who love me and make it bearable.  Thank you for your stories too.

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It is my pleasure and honor to love you @hirondelle.  I'm also very thankful for all the love that you all have shown us.  :love2:

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Thank you guys for sharing your stories.  It's good to know love is still out there :x

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