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Kenai

Any other asexuals on the board?

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It took me forever to figure out what I am on the sexuality spectrum.  I always just thought that I was odd.  I enjoy relationships with both genders. I enjoy flirting.  I love cuddling and whatnot.  I just don't like the actual sex part. 

Which I suppose makes me the biggest tease ever I suppose. 

Wolf, feel free to move this wherever. I just had no idea where to put it, so this place was fitting. :P

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I suppose I could jump into the debate.  Wasn't sure this qualified but who am I to argue? :P

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I was just posting it in case you hadn’t seen it, I’m sure Soulie will post I’m here when she spots it. I have whole days when I am not interested in sex, but not very often... so I don’t have a lot to contribute. But I do find sexuality and gender interesting and believe the more we can make all ‘ways of being’ acceptable the better for everyone. Thanks for sharing!

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I didn't know there was a spectrum.

I might fall on it? I don't know. Sex has never been my defining or motivating measure. At all, really.

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Its a small one.  From what I understand of my research on it, there are two types of asexuals. Ones who desire a romantic relationship, and those who don't even have that desire. 

Could be wrong, just started reading about the whole situation.

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O O just saw this..ok this goes right along with my trying to understand the Gender thing. Thank you Kenai, that was so lovely of you to share. I am interested in learing and discussing more. :):heartbeat:

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I think the simplest way to explain it is a simple demonstration.

Take your right hand and stroke your left arm.  Note the sensation as dull, nothing you get terribly excited over. 

Now imagine the rest of the world is telling you that your body is driven wild by lust by that sensation and there is apparently a strong desire for it with most everyone else. 

It's an oversimplification, but its basically how I feel about sex. :P

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Thank you for sharing I’m completely understand you. Me I’m your polar opposite but that’s no secret. I have met asexuals and even though I can’t relate I understand them. Your analogy is perfect.

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@Kenai, thank you for sharing.  I don't know if I can say I'm the complete opposite like @Moonhawk.  I love the feeling of being touched and stroked (not necessarily in a sexual manner), and I also love touching and stroking women.  To give you an example of this, I know a lot of guys that when they get their hair cut, they prefer to go to a barber, or something that's just pretty straight forward.  No fuss, no muss and get their hair cut (and maybe styled).  Me, I prefer to go to a salon for women.  The reason for this, which I found out in my late teens, I love having a woman washing my hair.  The warm water running over my head, the fingers running through my hair, gently massaging my scalp, I'm just in bliss.  There is nothing sexual about this, it just feels incredible.  That being said, I love caressing and touching women (specifically the Goddess).  I just can't keep my hands off of her.  In the past, I've actually had girlfriends tell me to stop touching them, but it's driving them crazy, lol.  The only person, that I can think of, that is asexual is @SoulDragon.  I don't know anything about this, but I am curious and open to talking and reading about it.  I do think Soulie might have a lot to say about this. 

When it comes to sexual things, one of the things I do love is giving pleasure.  I love it.  If I'm doing something to the person I'm with that she enjoys, I continue doing it.  If they want to explore something, I usually pretty open to exploring it with them.  I guess I love the giving and receiving of pleasure.  :D 

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I can relate to the hair washing.  It feels amazing. I'm a sucker for a good head massage.  The analogy I used wasn't perfect, but its the closest I've found. 

Its been a rough road for a bit, as my husband is sexual while I am not.  It is rather nice though, to have someone that respects me enough to value me over sex.

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That’s awesome that he respects you and loves you like that. 

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I think so! :) I imagine he erm, self cares, a lot.

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31 minutes ago, Kenai said:

I can relate to the hair washing.  It feels amazing. I'm a sucker for a good head massage.  The analogy I used wasn't perfect, but its the closest I've found. 

Its been a rough road for a bit, as my husband is sexual while I am not.  It is rather nice though, to have someone that respects me enough to value me over sex.

Wow, that is awesome you guys have reach an understanding and respect each other.  I was in your husband's situation in my first marriage... and I really struggled, and my husband made me feel very bad for struggling.  Tough for everyone. 

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I might over stated when I said polar opposite I apologize,  but while reading @Timberwolfreply I can so relate to that! Like yes and yes and more yes. That’s me. I’m glad you found someone that is understanding with your situation. 

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That was really lousy on your ex husbands part Hiro.  Having different sex drives is hard on a relationship.  It requires empathy and understanding on both sides.

 

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1 hour ago, Kenai said:

That was really lousy on your ex husbands part Hiro.  Having different sex drives is hard on a relationship.  It requires empathy and understanding on both sides.

 

We were both in a lot of emotional pain and we both lashed out... having different cultures made it harder to communicate too.  I think I made his hair stand on end sexually even in the early days when things were at their best.  He kinda felt like he had found a cute puppy brought it home and it turned into some kind of demon. 

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10 minutes ago, hirondelle said:

We were both in a lot of emotional pain and we both lashed out... having different cultures made it harder to communicate too.  I think I made his hair stand on end sexually even in the early days when things were at their best.  He kinda felt like he had found a cute puppy brought it home and it turned into some kind of demon. 

Now you're my lovely Goddess. 

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Wwaaahhh ~pounces and huggles @Kenai~ (Sorry for my late reply, i was gone for a couple of days...i just see this now)
First of, you're SO lucky your husband is understanding, that's really awesome!

I understand you just found out there's a name for not liking sex? 
It took me years, and allot of weird thoughts before i found out...i really thought i was probably the only one in the world, or maybe 1 other person somewhere on this huge globe that felt like this. I'm the same as you, i also love being hugged and kissed (it's been too long :() and cuddling, just not the sex that usually comes after it. I also don't think it matters to me if it's a male or female, although i lean a bit more towards the males.
I found out a couple of years ago, and was pretty active on the AVEN forums. You know them? It's THE international community for asexuals (forums per country as well), if you haven't been there you should check it out, tons of information and like minded people. There's also room for partners and other interested people. True there i've actually been in a (pretty well known) female magazine here with my story hihi.
There are allot of types in the asexuality, like you said there are romantic and a-romantic's within the romantics they further downsized it to gay and bi-, and then there are grey-asexuals they only like sex with THAT particular person, what i understand it's kinda like only with your soulmate. Then there are people who are able/willing to have sex for their partner and just don't care for it, and people who are almost get sick with the thought of having sex...and everything in between :), so many different shades of purple ;) 
Well, if you wanna talk or share thought about it, i'm all for it.

@TimberwolfI totally get the hair thing (my best friend has the same thing), i have it when someone is stroking my back...doesn't matter who does it; i'm just in heaven :love1:

@hirondelleIt's a difficult situation for everyone, i would love to hear more of what it was like from the other side if you want to share. I was in a relationship back then also, although i don't think it was because of the asexuality that we broke up but because i/we didn't love eachother anymore. I do feel like if i would be in a relationship with a sexual person, and i did kinda back then as well, that i feel bad for not being able to meet their needs and give them what they want. (do i say it correct like this?)

Edited by SoulDragon
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I'll have to check AVEN out.  It's kinda nice not to feel completely alone in this regard. :)

And yeah, I'm really lucky.  He must love me. :)

I don't get physically sick like some do, but I would fall very much into the "its meh" category.

Its funny that it took me so long to figure out.  I read an article about it a couple years ago and then everything made so much more sense.  I used to joke that while I physically hit puberty, I never got passed the "Ew boys have cooties" stage.

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