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Kenai

What made you sad?

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The horrible feeling of inadequacy that creeps over me on an all too regular basis.

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22 hours ago, Squarepeg said:

The horrible feeling of inadequacy that creeps over me on an all too regular basis.

This. EXACTLY this.

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Going to the chiropractor today for the first time in like 20 years and now all my joints hurt 

Feeling extra alone today

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Changing a resident today who is in her last days...  there's just... nothing left of her.  I try to remember she's 103 years old, she's lived a full amazing life but it's so hard sometimes.  I just wanted to sit and hold her but I couldn't, I didn't have time to.  So instead I stroked her hair, kissed her forehead, told her how beautiful she is and said "sweet dreams sweetheart" and bit back tears.

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It hasnt quite happened yet today, however just knowing its about to is making me sad. In a couple hours i will be dropping my foster cat off at a new foster home. This cat has stolen my heart and i really wanted to adopt her. 
She looks a lot like my snoopy, the cat who was my best friend in the worst times. She is super cuddly, as i write this she is sleeping on my lap. shes bossy and follows me around chatting to me. She came into my home after being rehomed on kijiji twice in a month. They didnt explain why they wanted to get rid of her, but im pretty sure it was because she was peeing outside the box.
She had a reason, all fosters go to the vet, shots, fixed, chipped and general health check. when the vet was checking to see if he could find signs of if she was fixed he found a mass.
they opened her up.. her bladder was huge, filled with sandy crystals. the vet was surprised she survived the surgery, he was surprised her bladder hadnt exploded before we got to her it was so full.
After getting to us we noticed a lump on her ear, back to the vet she goes. its a tumor, luckly begnin, they took it off.
she was with us a few more months, we were getting ready to adopt her.. and she starts peeing outside the box again, back to the vet, she needs some meds to help pass more crystals. shes loosing weight at a rapid rate, whats wrong? back in for bloodwork.
Oh great, shes got diabetes.
Chris and I can no longer adopt her, we dont have the moolah to adopt a diabetic cat.
at some point in all this she starts attacking the resident cat... its getting worse and worse, more and more often,
Our cat is starting to pee out of the box, hes throwing up more, he doesnt walk with the same confidence, he always seems nervous.
We had to ask for her to be moved.. and now she is.. this is probably my last hour with her.. and im going to miss her something fierce. Ive had a lot of fosters.. but this one.. this one is going to be hard to let go.
Im going to cry, im almost crying now. I dont want her to go... but we cant keep her.. 




 

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You have so much love for those cats Pyro. It's something I've always admired about you.  It takes a lot of strength to love an animal and then to give them up to their forever home. 

It probably doesn't help the grief now, I just wanted to say it. 

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Thank you Kenai. It's not usually so hard because I don't usually have them so long and they don't look so much like my Snoopy

also they usually are not as cuddly, this girl would spend pretty much all day on my lap.

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