Jump to content

Depression at it worse


Aliea

Recommended Posts

So when this hits all I want to do is to curl up in bed and hide away from the world. But I have wife who heads to work early and a 4yr old that needs breakfast and a bath and taken to school, then I have a few hours alone were it will tear me apart peice by peice and I will try my hardest not to give in. Then I have two hours at work which I will try to place a smile on my face and get through which will cause so much mental exhaustion that by the time i get home i will not be a fully functional human, but I will have a 4yr old that will be excited to see me and I will be happy to see him too but I will also be so annoyed at his over excitement that I will probably snap at him as I have done already this morning.

Today is a bad day, tomorrow will be a new day.

Edited by Aliea
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I relate, @Aliea.  Most days are a challenge to get out of bed. Some days are much worse than others. And, when you have kids, it makes it even more difficult, because you have to be there for them.  The days when I can't function at all, I call them my 'I can't get there from here' days.  I wrote a song about it (like I do of most of my issues, feelings, etc)...I obviously wrote the song on a functioning day.

Being married is an extra challenge, as well. I am lucky to have a husband who is also a good carer, but it gets hard on him. It is difficult when our spouses see us in such pain.  And, guilt then comes in. Depression isn't sadness. It's debilitating weariness.  I am tired. Of everything. 

I have found mindfulness meditation helps on some days.  Not on the worst days, but on the mid range days, I find some comfort there in the practice. Do you do anything like that?

  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have just finished at CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) course  which teaches you how to deal with things and it helps on my okayish days but never on my worse days other wise I'm tackling one thought after another all day long and that just becomes exhausting.

Being tired never helps and I missed two days of meds which also never helps so i think today will be a right off simply because I'm just too tired to deal with it.

I've been refares to another course that goes deeper into depression, that will apparently give even more techniques on how to deal with things, just not sure when that starts.

It has been a long hole filled road but I'm sure we will both get there x

  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depression is so misunderstood. I have had it most of my life..I am on meds which help but I still have episodes where I just cry..usually on the way to or from work now..I just break down and cry. I can't and do'n't want to deal with life. So we are not alone or no support..we have each other. I have been able to use illicit drugs n things in the past but its a life long thing I think. I think that is why I have the hard time with feeling like I belong and am important to at least someone. Depression is one of the more hardest things I would wish on any one...the years and months spent on tears and fears is to much. My episodes are usually when I go to work or have had a wicked bad day. 

I will never be "normal" to most. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another side of depression... anxiety. Now I know you can have both on their own but most ppl with depression also tend to have anxiety. Now this is the problem, depression stops you from wanting to do anything and anxiety can make you so on edge that your body feels like it might explode. 

To fix depression you need to be active, but anxiety tells you you will fail, or people will laugh or think you are stupid so it stops you from being active because you become so afraid that you will do wrong.

Taday I had panic attack at work. I have thought on why this happened and there are two reasons. Reason one, Thursday's are delivery day, on this day I tend to have an hour and a half on my own. This is the first time I have been alone when at work since going back.

Reason two, today I was doing what is classed as my main job, I look after the news and mag section, It's a lot of work and a lot of money can go missing if not done right. Again this is the first time doing it since going back, the job I was messing up so badly before I went off ill.

So basically i was alone, something my depression loves because it just loves shouting evil things at me. And i was doing a job that caused my anxiety to tell me i was going to mess up so bad that what is the point in even trying.

Outcome, twenty minutes of hyperventilating and ugly crying. Not fun.

In the end I shouted at myself, I am very glad that our CCTV doesn't have audio hehe.

So that happened, but in the end I did my job I didn't mess it up and I laughed at my anxiety! Also ended up having a great day with my wife so despite the shit start it has been a brilliant day.

In conclusion I would just like to say one thing:

FUCK YOU DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!

Edited by Aliea
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate that a set back really takes it out of you. I have been so exhausted this week I'm finding it hard to function, I save all my energy for work and so I have nothing for home and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I don't know what to do and I've been keeping myself isolated when on my own which doesn't help, I've even stayed away from here and yet here is my happy place, here is home but I just can not bring myself to interact with anything or anyone.

It's funny the only thing to hold my attention is some stupid styling app I found, it is so silly but it keeps me occupied for a time at least.

Anyways I miss everyone just letting you know I haven't disappeared, I lurk when I can :)

  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...