So sorry you are feeling this way Tika. I understand the off switch thought... I have been there too - but now I am glad it doesn't because maybe I would have used it, and I wouldn't be here now to appreciate coming through? But as I think you understand coming through takes work and until you find the thing that makes a difference, trying all the things one inevitably tries seems to pointless and futile. Don't isolate yourself though hun. As tempting as it is - that way is full dark. Find new people maybe?