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  1. Dulcet

    New Heights

    For the longest time I have had to the urge to write. Or at the very least, express my feelings about stuff going on in my life. This has been very hard over the past year due to some major changes in my life as well some major changes beyond my control. For those that do not know, I live with a condition called bipolar. I'm in a federally funded government program that provides housing for people like me with mental illness and I have been in the program since 2009. Since I have been in the program I have done very well and have gotten a better grapple on my illness. I am able to manage my symptoms more effectively and control my anger better than before. However, there is still some work to be done. Over the past year, a lot of good things have happened. Our complex got bought out so we were forced to move to another location, which is in a much nicer area. I also finally have landed two really decent room mates who are not that crazy and have some sort of geek card,which is a blessing. For years I had terrible room mates I dreaded and this community has served as a refuge for me for many years, regardless of the boards being up or down. The good news is there is light at the end of the tunnel. In the spring I will be graduating from American InterContinental University Online with a BS in IT. I have no idea what I want to do with it yet, but with that degree I will finally be able to get a real job and afford a better place for me and my room mates. Also, in the spring we are moving out to a building across the way our landlord bought along with the buildings he did when we moved. The catch is we have to do our chores regularly to a tee because our staff wants to write us a good letter of recommendation. Carrot over our heads. The reality is, with a degree I'll be able to get a better job and hopefully a better place for us. That's the good news. The bad news is pretty shitty for me. The program I'm in is through the county's health department and DuPage is up there with the richest, so it does indeed provide good mental health services. However, since I moved here in December, they switched over to a new system around the time Trump took office. I'll remind you we are a federally funded program so Bruce Rauner's BS didn't affect us. But they have refused to let me see a therapist until I go to a group at these certain locations. More importantly, they want me to work on something short term and specific with the therapist. Well I'm being specific by writing this blog and I need an outlet to express my emotions. Holding them in is not healthy for me. I am doing fine, yes, and there is no need to worry, but this is the longest period in my life I have gone without seeing a therapist. I do have a case worker that manages my case, but she is not licensed. She does help me with my diabetes which I currently struggling with, but as far as i can tell the best excuse I have gotten from management is "There is a lot of changes with funding and the government now." And for fuck's sake, I do hate Trump, but this is beyond political. I'm stable and being denied service. Think of all the others who need the service more desperately that are being denied. For the county to deny service like this is a big deal. My housing is secure, which is good, but I cannot say the same for others. That is why I glad I will be out of the situation I have been in soon. The most frustrating thing is I do not have anyone to relate to. I'm the only one in two buildings that has any hope at getting a decent job. I say this as I am the only one who goes to school and plans to get OFF social security checks. When you live on the fixed income we do, you are not allowed to earn over a certain amount (usually $2000/month). So you're stuck in a clusterfuck. When you live in a community where goals are not set too high, it's tough. That's why I would like to talk to normal or other people outside of my little bubble. Brain cells are wasting away. I'm the smart guy for reading and knowing what logic is.