Well loss like that is hard to ever let it go. It stays with you, and I am sorry you have gone through this.
In my experience it helps me to type it up even if no one reads it. I have an ongoing word file on my laptop just called “life”. It has pretty much all my memories good or bad. Which I keep adding to. Just my way of dealing with trauma and grief. Even if it’s just to listen or read your messages we are here, just a message away.
Start strong, keep stepping forward enjoying the everyday accomplishments, take a breather, greet the morning sun, thank the gentle moon and lastly take the next step forward after each breather.