It has been a while hasn't it?
Recently, I made a hard decision to let go of the url imaginethenorth.net. I am trying to be more aware of where my money goes and a fair bit of it drips away on net related expenses - The Northlands ipb fees, server space, and the urls Wolf and I own. I let two of mine go - imagine the north and my name dot com. Both hard choices and made me a bit sad - but absolutely the right decision. Without the url I don't have the same attachment to my Blogge
You know how sometimes you feel a feeling that is hard to explain?
The other day I had a conversation with Dom that started with me longing to go back to the day Dom stepped off the plane and go through it all again appreciating everything more. Dom gave me a (textual) hug and reminded me that I appreciated everything plenty the first time around so I had nothing to regret / do better.
And while I agree I also can't shake the longing... there were things I threw away that I should have
Sitting pretty
Lily is Roso's sister. A friend of ours had taken care of a stray while she had kittens and we agreed to take one (or possibly two) and someone else would take the third. We had the first choice and I immediately chose Lily. Roso bewitched Dom into choosing her by doing this cute thing of pretending to gaze up at him adoringly. Guys dig that.
The odd thing about cats is that you can persuade yourself all you like that they are your pets, but give the situat
The Roso
Givin' teh meen face
I awoke this morning and slowly opened my eyes to find this face inches from my own. This face with these eyes. I read somewhere that, unlike dogs, cats don't have facial expressions. They are however able to communicate without words, and the effect is the same as our smile, or frown or (as in this case) psychotic gaze. The thoughts Roso was downloading into my sleeping cerebral cortex went something like: 'You will do great evil in my name.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tree planting
For the world or karma?
To celebrate Asalha Puja Day had a tree planting morning at Huay Tung Tao in Chiang Mai. A 'bit of a do' orgnaised by the local staff at work. I wasn't sure whether this was a merit making exercise or simply a chance to make the world a better place. Let's go with the latter, I can live with that.
An aside: for all the spiritual journeying I don't get merit making. I understand the need t
White orchids
I find it magical how flowers suddenly appear in my garden. One day I have a bunch of green and then suddenly there is a flower - brief and beautiful. Likewise I find Dom's utter indifference to flowers astonishing. How can someone so sensitive not be moved to find a small exquisite thing is sharing a moment of existence with us?
How can you cry at films and be blind to the fragile emotion of a flower?
Bird of Paradise
A bit flashy, these flowers are the egomaniacs of our garden. Lurid orange creatures shouting "Look at us, we are beautiful!". And they are, but no one likes a show off. I miss the delicate unassuming flowers of England: snowdrops, crocuses, violets, london pride, forget me nots, snapdragons and bluebells. Flowers that know that mid-shin is plenty high enough, that there is secret power in making people bend over to admire you. But deep down I think you get what you
Drawing Tablet
Dom thinks I am an artist so when he found a drawing tablet he urged me to get it. I have been looking at them for a few months off and on (more off). I don't know I feel less of an artist now than I ever have - but that may be a reaction to the fact that Dom decided to have faith in me as one. I am tired of the label that I briefly in a moment of false confidence agreed to. I don't understand the need to label. Artist. Writer. Like giving yourself the word makes any d
Our Saturday treat
Almost every Saturday we go to Kad Suan Kaew after work and (after a Starbucks latte) get a foot massage. Dom was an addict from the very first massage and can't bear to go a week without a fix. I don't know how he will manage when we move away from massage land. I am more ambivalent. It bothers me that someone is able to put me soundly to sleep by pressing the 'soul' of my foot. I hate feeling like I am waking from the dead as I rouse myself at the end of the mass
At Wawee
When we feel we have obscenely over-patronised Starbucks we come to Wawee. We love coffee, well Dom loves coffee and I have a love/hate relationship with it - at least in its fresh incarnation. In this picture Dom is hiding behind his coffee cup because we have had an argument. We do this a lot of two people who are self-proclaimed soul mates. The reasons are legion and I won't go into them in this post but it is worth noting. We are in love but we don't have the idyllic rel
Work looks so nice when the room is empty
This is the view from my desk, looking down the long thin length of the teachers' room. The British Council in Chiang Mai is in an old Thai style house. Creaky wooden floors and shutters. But is it as empty as it looks? About a month ago, I was walking across that very piece of floor you see in the picture when a 'ghost' moved through me - just at the point of passing the chair on the right. I am not Dom, I don't 'do' dead people... but that
...Dom and I work here
So the previous picture was taken from the first (US second floor) just beyond that corner room (which is Jon, my boss's, office). I do feel privileged to work in such a gorgeous environment but then again I think that the beauty makes up for the fact that I can only derive moderate enjoyment out of my job. Nothing to do with the organisation or the usual moans and groans about TEFL. But I am a manager of a group of people who want nothing more than to be left
Doing the cute face
He is actually ridiculous in his mastery of cute faces, because it is clearly just so much ham... designed especially to maximize the amount of attention, loving and treats he can wheedle from us. He even has Dom giving him people food (unheard of) and letting him lick clean empty yoghurt pots and cereal bowls. He has even slowly but inexorably won over the cats; although Roso manages to retain a semblance of puppy-indifferent dignity - at least when we are watching.
Aka baby dog, the pike
We don’t like small dogs. We like big ones: Siberian Huskies; Great Danes; Irish Wolfhounds.
Wolves.
Spike conned us.
We were walking past a pet-shop in the car park of Kad Suan Kaew shopping mall when he produced a flourish of attitude. He woofed and stomped in his food bowl (possibly it was dinner time) and stood there all energy and focus. We were smitten.
We went into the mall and sat in Pizza Company
In truth, Dom's shocked face wasn't a reaction to the cost of my new phone (Sony Ericsson S500i, 7,990 baht plus an extra 1,500 for a 2 gig memory upgrade). He fully supports my spendthrift urges especially when it comes to gadget aquisition. He has been "encouraging" me to buy a new phone for months and in fact it was he who made the actual purchase this time, while I was at work.
So this image has an element of poetic license (see quote/unquote) as it enabled me to introduce the ne
Of course home is also where the heart is, but this little corner of northern Thailand is where we lay our heads if not our hats.
Apologies for the cramped image; large house + small soi = not enough space to take a photo. I think this is the largest space I have ever lived in: three bedrooms, three bathrooms (four if you count the maid's room which is full of dismantled bed as we don't have a live in maid), large living room, kitchen and laundry room. It is detached with a small but florab
Well loss like that is hard to ever let it go. It stays with you, and I am sorry you have gone through this.
In my experience it helps me to type it up even if no one reads it. I have an ongoing word file on my laptop just called “life”. It has pretty much all my memories good or bad. Which I keep adding to. Just my way of dealing with trauma and grief. Even if it’s just to listen or read your messages we are here, just a message away.
Start strong, keep stepping forward enjoying the everyday accomplishments, take a breather, greet the morning sun, thank the gentle moon and lastly take the next step forward after each breather.