I plan on making this post a bit of internal exploration. Now at times, I may wonder off track, but bare with me.


About 2 years ago, @hirondelle I and moved from Bangkok, Thailand to Chiang Mai, Thailand. When we first got here, we rented a Honda Click (what a Click looks like) for a month until we bought bikes of our own. First we got a Honda Wave 100 cc (what a Wave looks like) for @hirondelle, and ordered a Honda Phantom 200 cc for me. When my bike arrived, we returned the Click, and used my bike to go every where. @hirondelle tried learning how to drive her Wave, but at that point in time, it just didn't work out, so we sold it.


When we first moved here, I didn't find a job right away. I was unemployed from September to about February, when I was hired by a company called CEC, where they sent me out to this private school to teach English to Korean exchange students, which was pretty cool. The students were nice, and we seemed to get along. I was also covering on the weekend for teachers that were off for their kids classes at their main office, which didn't go very well, because they were one of the most unorganized and unhelpful places I've ever worked. I asked to many questions, and after a short period of time, they let me go, which was no big deal. I had already had an interview with another company called NES (New Zealand English Services), and things looked really promising.


I talked with the owner (Paul) and the head teacher of all the centers (Ryan), and they were looking for a teacher with my enthusiasm and experience to be the head teacher at one of the three offices they have here in Chiang Mai. So, I signed on with them as a temp teacher so we could feel each other out. To start, I was teaching English to the staff at a new hotel in the area. Things were going really well, and on the first weekend, Ryan called me to pick up some kids classes, which I did, because I needed as many hours as I could get because they were only paying me 200 baht an hour. A huge difference from the 450 baht an hour I was making to start in Bangkok. Before long, things were going really good, and I had adult classes at one of their centers (the one I was to become the full time teacher at) and kids classes at their other two centers. When teaching at the hotel finished, they were feeding me all kinds of hours, and they offered me a full time contract making 250 baht an hour for 20 hours a week. If I worked over the 20 hours a week, I would have an additional percentage per hour. I would receive the over time pay every three months. Things were going really good for awhile, and I had dinner with Paul and Ryan and talked about things we could do to update the center and make it more modern. I was supposed to help them put wireless in all three centers, and put English onto their website. Also, I was helping them to write summer courses. Everything was going great! I would have done anything for Paul and Ryan. I was picking up extra classes, and I was covering classes for teachers that were off at their request. All was good.


It stared when one week, I didn't complete the 20 hours a week, but I had already worked a number of overtime hours in previous weeks. When I got my paycheck, it was short on the hours. I was pretty upset about this, and Paul heard about it and confronted me about it, and we discussed it. We came to solution that we both liked, and he cut me another check to make up for what I felt I was shorted. I just had to make up the hours, which with the summer courses coming up, wouldn't be a problem at all. At this same time, I was in my center all day, working on things for the office and placement testing potential students, which I wasn't being paid for. Things started to look a bit better again.


I was asked to re-write a kids course that somebody else had already done that Paul wasn't happy with. They gave me a whole stack of books for me to set up this course. I kept the books, kind of a lean to make sure I would get the money they owed me in case something happened with my pay again.


I was offered a position with the British Council to teach classes at a college, making almost double what I was making at NES. I accepted this position, but I had to put off starting until I finished the classes I had with NES. I informed Ryan what was going on, and Ryan totally understood and told me to let Paul know, so I went back to the main office to talk to Paul about it. He seemed fine with it.


A few days later, I got a call from Paul's wife Tann (the co-owner) informing me that I needed to return the books that were lent to me. I told Tann that I would return the books when I was paid everything that was owed to me. She got very upset about this, and told the accountant that she wasn't to give me my paycheck until I return the books. The accountant and I had a bit of a discussion about it, and I was upset, and I kept apologizing to her about it and saying that it wasn't her fault. That I didn't mean to take it out on her. I had a few more conversations with Tann... or I should say a few more arguments on the phone with her about the books and my pay. In the end, Paul called me and told me that I had until such and such time to return the books or he would call the police and tell them that I stole the books. I went to my classroom, packed up all my stuff, and apologized to my students that I wouldn't be teaching their class, and that I was no longer with the company. I went home, collected the books while telling @hirondelle what was going on.


@hirondelle wouldn't let me go to the main office by myself, so she went with me. She didn't want me doing something stupid, like hitting Paul, which I'm sure that if @hirondelle wasn't with me, I probably would have done. When we got to the office, I walked up to the desk. Paul was in his office and refused to even look at me, let alone talk to me. The two front desk girls came up to me and said that they were sorry, but wouldn't say more. I told them that I wanted to talk to Paul or Tann to return the books. They went into the office to let them know that I was there. Paul went outside and Tann came over to talk to me. I returned the books to her, and told her that i wanted to talk to Paul. She went outside for a few minutes and came back in and told me that she didn't know what was going on, but I was asked to leave. So @hirondelle and I started to leave.


When we got outside, Paul was out there laughing and joking with a couple of police officers. I put my shoes on, and walked over to Paul to tell him that it was an experience to work for him. I actually offered to shake his hand, but he refused. He said that the he refused to talk to somebody that treated the girl at the other office so badly (her name was Peung). That he didn't understand how us foreigners could treat the girls here so badly, when we don't treat the women in our own country so badly. I tried to tell him that I didn't treat Peung badly in any way, but he refused to listen to me. So @hirondelle and I got back on the bike and left. Thinking of ways we could really screw him over, which we never did, but we were pretty angry over the whole situation, me more than @hirondelle.


A few days later was the start of the Songkrahn Festival here in Thailand. On the first day, we saw Peung and stopped to talk to her. I wanted to apologize to her if I treated her badly in any way. She told me that I didn't, and that she understood why I was so upset. We talked about it for awhile, but she keep telling me not to worry about it. We spent the next two days celebrating Songkrahn with Peung, her boyfriend and a few of the students, and had a lot of fun.


A few days after the Songkrahn Festival, I turned in all my paperwork showing exactly how much I was owed (keeping a copy for myself), which was a large chunk of money. When it came time to pick up the pay checks, it was only for a normal weeks pay. When I tried to ask when I could expect to receive the rest of what was owed to me, Peung said she would get Tann for me. But instead, she sent another member of staff over, and at first, she said she didn't understand. Finally when she did "understand" me, she said she didn't know. So I said I would be back the following payday.


During the week, I received an email from Tann, saying that I owed NES them money for quitting and not finishing my classes. I emailed her back stating that I didn't quit, I was fired, and that they still owed me the money. That was the last email I received from NES.


When all this happened, Ryan, whom I thought was my friend, didn't even call me to see how I was doing. This really hurt.


This whole thing really cut me hard, and I thought I had let it go. But as time here in Chiang Mai goes by, I seem to get angrier and angrier about things here. I've always blamed it on how stupidly they drive here. And something else, that I never noticed before, I was generalizing Thai people. I don't feel good about admitting this, but I also know that in order for me to heal myself, it's something that I need to admit.


The healing process started this morning while @hirondelle and I went to breakfast with a friend of ours, and had a great time just talking and relaxing. At breakfast, we talked a bit about some of the problems we seem to be having here. And as per my usual, I was complaining about Thai drivers, but @hirondelle said that she thinks that maybe my bitterness goes deeper than that. And it started to dawn on me that it does. It goes back to this whole experience with Paul, Tann and NES. I started thinking about it more and more on the way home. And I started to notice a few things.


The both times we were in Bangkok, I didn't have this bitterness, but as soon as we got back to Chiang Mai, the bitterness was back.


I hadn't really let this whole thing with Paul, Tann and NES go.

The reason I am writing this blog post, is in the hopes of helping me release this anger and bitterness that has been building in me for almost two years, that I didn't realize were building.


In writing this, I have felt as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.


Thank you for sharing your time with me.