So I said I would post more for context etc for what has been happening.

So my daughter was admitted to a mental institution due to her attempting to take her life with pills and cutting herself. This situation when it happened I already had anxiety rearing back in because of problems at work but this pretty much broke me. To the point that my agoraphobia came back with new levels of anxiety.  I spent 30 days at home watching over her and working from home and I would have stayed longer but my partners gave me an ultimatum pretty much, their way of trying to get me out of my loop. I am currently going to the office and back but that’s pretty much it. Weekends and morning are the worst for me because I’m not as busy and the fear of an attack freezes me.

my daughter has been going to therapy and psychiatrists and I am happy that she’s home, but I am always on edge expecting the worse to happen. Yesterday my wife found a shirt with blood stains and we found out she cut herself again, due to an argument she got into with her mom. I was working outside when Jessica brought me the shirt and I rushed in to her room, angry and crying. I told her why would she do this again and so on and she let us have it. Saying that it’s our fault, that we make her anxious, she brought up times she was spanked when she was younger, all sorts of hurtful things, she broke my heart to a million pieces. We spoke for some time after that and had a good heart to heart. I told her she needs to speak up when she’s anxious instead of hurting herself, and we promised not to scream at her anymore. She promised to be good. Well today I didn’t send her to school and she stayed home with me watching movies while I worked. She’s much nicer today and happy  but I’m still on edge. My agoraphobia is in full swing.

Went to the grocery store, one of my safe places I go to push myself, and I had anxiety the entire time there. Agoraphobia hits me every time anyone suggests going anywhere new. Like for example the veterinarian, I have to take my dog to, I can’t make myself not get anxious about it. It’s driving me insane.

I have a therapist I am seeing weekly and I have meds for emergencies, I refuse to be on permanent benzos. I am on daily antidepressant because I gave in on that one but overall I hate pills. 
 

Recently I  got some good cbd oils and been trying those but now I am grasping at straws trying to get my head on straight. Every time I get just a little better another pile of shit situation falls on us. It has been non stop since we moved to the new house and I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

I keep pushing everyday but I’m just so tired of fighting. The list of things that has happened in the last 4 months or so is very very long. Just know there has yet to be a full week of peace. 
 

My brain is in turmoil 24/7 and I am honestly exhausted. I keep pushing because my family needs me but good lord I need a break.

Yes thoughts on this posts are all over the place but so is my current broken mind