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Posted

I don't know where to write this. It makes me sad - I actually surprised myself with a pretty great session of tears, I thought I was done there - but I can't be sad for the experience of him.

Today (for me) is ogre's anniversary of passing and I miss him. He will always be a love of my life. He will always be at the front of the line. And I will always regret not hugging him. (Look at him. He is so, so beautiful.) So I'm really, really sad. But I got to know him. I got to chat with him. He was one of my people. He was genuine and kind and fierce, and I am really, really happy that I knew him. 

I miss you, honey. Always, and so very much. 

 

Image result for guinness cheers

 

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Posted

LIstened to a podcast (On Being, with Esther Perel as guest) and then had to write because of it. I fucking love that shit. I love the need to write. It's happening a lot lately and there's an energy there that's fucking electric.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

The gym. I could not mentally function, then I gymmed, then my mood was only cynical, not completed closed and douchey. Hah. Fuck. 🙃

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  • 7 months later...
Posted

I came here to say @hirondelle. Because yes. I love you.

But I scrolled to see this thread for a minute, and saw ogre and I got teary, but also happy. I love him, also. So fucking much. Goddammit honey, I miss you. And I love you. So much. (I still talk to him. Often. Just yesterday on a dog walk, actually.)

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  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

Finding out that I can get Spotify on AppleTV 4.  When we first got it, I searched for it in the apps, and it wouldn't come up.  Today, something said search for it in the apps again, and there it was!  So cool!!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Kids are back, sun's shining, it's actually warming up outside and my snow is almost gone, and I have an incredible human in my life who makes me smile. All in, life is pretty okay right now. (Great, if not for this whole COVID mess. So. Balanced, at present. Which is really important. It felt really imbalanced there for a bit. At least there's some (literal) sunshine now.)

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Posted

I’m currently taking a class that I’ve always wanted to learn for only $11.99. Udemy finally got me and I couldn’t be happier. I also went shopping today because I had extra Link money put on my card. No stimulus check yet but I’m surviving. And fuck. That’s a good thing. 
 

The class I’m taking on Udemy is on pandas in python using Anaconda. I haven’t learned anything fancy yet but my goal is to create a portfolio of some sort on the blog here to show employers. Basically I’ll be manipulating datasets and turning them into visuals if possible. I’m really excited. 

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Posted

I’m on a government assistance program called SNAP which issues monthly food stamps on a card that’s still called Illinois Link. I don’t know what other states call it but food stamps can only be used for food and you don’t pay tax. I usually get $60 a month put on there but this month (in light of COVID-19) they put an extra $110 on the card for me to use for the month. 

Posted

Ah ok awesome - thanks for the info @Dulcet.  I always thought food stamps were literally stamps, we did't have them in the UK when I was a kid.  The govt just supplemented income and didn't control where you spent it.  You could use it for beer money if you want. :D

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

Reconnected with an old acquaintance this weekend. Had a great chat. It inspired a new piece of blather-y writing (more a letter than anything else). Felt good.

(Also did a lot of me things this weekend. I feel stress that it's coming to an end and I will be back in stretched-too-thin land soon, but I am going to try to live here, in the moment, and not there, in that fear. The fear that may not be real. But this weekend was very need meeting. I am thankful for it and know now what I need to establish with my solo time. I know what is important to me.)

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  • 2 months later...
Posted

Happy I knew him. So thankful he is a part of me and my life. Thankful to be able to miss him. To love him. My life is so much richer for having him in it.

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Posted

Maybe "happy" isn't the right word, I'm a bit more numb than I'd like these days, but I feel a bit less weighed down after writing (a blog post about bullshit diet culture) and actually, soulfully communicating (hate. Being vulnerable is hard and itchy and I don't like it), and also raging (about The Patriarchy).

 

Today is weird. Ima go for a walk.

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Posted
12 hours ago, fox said:

Maybe "happy" isn't the right word, I'm a bit more numb than I'd like these days, but I feel a bit less weighed down after writing (a blog post about bullshit diet culture) and actually, soulfully communicating (hate. Being vulnerable is hard and itchy and I don't like it), and also raging (about The Patriarchy).

 

Today is weird. Ima go for a walk.

Where is this post? I went to your blog and couldn't see it. :D

Posted
9 hours ago, hirondelle said:

Where is this post? I went to your blog and couldn't see it. :D

I haven't posted it yet. I wrote it. I don't hate it, but it doesn't feel ready so Ima work on it more today. Thank you for looking. ❤️ 

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