Failure

[Phoenix]

It's amazing how frustrated I get and how much I shut down when I fail. I had a project I had been thinking about for a while, which involved flipping my living space, essentially. Move my computer to the other side of the room, and move a "portable" air conditioner with it. Flip an ancient, large dresser to the other side. It's an asymmetric space, and the whole point was to get the air conditioner to the other side of the room, much closer to the bed. I investigated the space and it had seemed fine--there's a concrete pillar in the way, but measuring everything out, I knew it'd be fine.

So I moved everything around. As you might imagine, something that takes up a ton of physical reserve for me, but not something I can't handle--everything heavy is on wheels.  As it turns out, it was indeed spacious enough, but somehow I completely missed a slope in the floor. It's sloping back and to the right, at enough of an angle that even stuffing something under my chair isn't enough. I feel like I'm going to lean out the window.

I'm so angry. I've already cleared stuff out to move everything back, but it's been such a waste of time. I don't know how long it's going to be before I'm willing to risk my time and my body to do something like this again, and I hate that. HATE IT. I pass on so much because of past failure, and I'm not growing from that.

[Kenai]

But you tried. 

*hugs*

 

I know you're probably too upset for my annoying optimism,   But I'm still proud of you for trying rather than just immediately saying "Nope, can't do it."