The every day

[Kitty]

Saw an article this morning that I had read before but it struck me more so now my daughter is getting older. It's about a woman's day to day experiences of sexism/being sexualised.

https://driftingthrough.com/2015/11/20/the-thing-all-women-do-that-you-dont-know-about/

If you can get through the fairly repetitive narrative then great but the gist is that we experience so much "casual" sexism day to day that we almost don't notice it. It paves the way for the whole "blurred lines" thing, if you just laugh off a casual arse-groping then where do you draw the line?

The author says we need to point to it, because men have no idea how frequent it is and also because pointing to it will help reduce it. So... ladies? Your encounters? Friends been a little too friendly? Co-workers or boss given an un-called for comment? Cat calls from builders? Dad's mates stared at your tits?

[Kitty]

I will go first, at 15 I got used to looks and comments, so many and so frequently that I remember none of them. I was quite shy and reserved so It's not like I ever flaunted myself. At 19 I had an older man ask me if I was a virgin in the middle or regular conversation. He had a girlfriend, he was a friend that I had helped pick out a gift for said girlfriend. And he used his position as security at the hostel I was staying at to record videos of me that he sent me copies of later. He never laid a hand on me but... I felt dirty.

I guy at a 7-11 pulled me behind the counter and pressed me against a wall, kissing and groping me. I have so effectively mentally blocked it that I almost feel like it never happened.  But I remember the terror after getting away vividly, I was crying and shaking and too afraid to ever shop there again.

At the only mixed dorm hostel I ever stayed at I had jet lag and a guy came in the room asking what was wrong as he thought I was sick, I explained it was jet lag and he said I needed juice. I fell back asleep and when I woke there was a mini cartoon of juice on the bed beside my pillow. I thought that was very friendly but it was the middle of the night so couldn't say thank you at that point, I drank it and went back to sleep. Only to be woken by the guy climbing up onto my (top bunk) bed and sticking his hand down my pyjamas and into my er... lady parts. I will add that that and 7-11 groping guy were my first ever sexual experiences. I can't say I was in a hurry to get physical after those.

I also worked at a pizza place once where the owner was a 40 year old guy and he had his young 18 year old fiance working there as manager. I was leaving once and he asked for a good bye kiss and presented his cheek to me, I felt a bit awkward but went along with it. Of course at the last second he turned so I ended up kissing his lips. Of course I laughed it off, blamed myself for falling for a cheap trick. Didn't make a fuss as my manager was his fiance and I didn't want her to blame me.

I feel SO stupid for letting these things happen but then I think... WHY am *I* the one shouldering the blame?

Anyway... yeah, please share ladies. Anything from the more 'trivial' to the full on.

 

[hirondelle]

I can't think of anything... maybe there were incidents but my brain didn't retain them.  And I think since I hit my mid twenties I gave of an aura that prevented men fucking with me.  Also I am not super attractive in that way, guys get attracted to me when they have known me for a while and by that time they respect me too much to be weird.  I don't attract strangers.

 

 

[Timberwolf]

I feel bad for anybody that has to deal any kind of sexual assault or sexism.  I see a few small problems with how things are going right now.  One, it seems that men aren't allowed to be sexually assaulted or victimized.  Also, I have seen instances where a man that wasn't considered attractive make a comment or touched a woman in a certain way, and that man got into trouble.  Then I saw another man, who was considered attractive say something or touch the woman in the same way, and it was no problem.  I think if were are going to have standards, and I think we should, it should be the same across the board, for men and women, attractive and unattractive a like.  Just my opinion.  Great post though.  Thank you @Kitty.

On 11/25/2017 at 4:50 PM, Kitty said:

I will go first, at 15 I got used to looks and comments, so many and so frequently that I remember none of them. I was quite shy and reserved so It's not like I ever flaunted myself. At 19 I had an older man ask me if I was a virgin in the middle or regular conversation. He had a girlfriend, he was a friend that I had helped pick out a gift for said girlfriend. And he used his position as security at the hostel I was staying at to record videos of me that he sent me copies of later. He never laid a hand on me but... I felt dirty.

I guy at a 7-11 pulled me behind the counter and pressed me against a wall, kissing and groping me. I have so effectively mentally blocked it that I almost feel like it never happened.  But I remember the terror after getting away vividly, I was crying and shaking and too afraid to ever shop there again.

At the only mixed dorm hostel I ever stayed at I had jet lag and a guy came in the room asking what was wrong as he thought I was sick, I explained it was jet lag and he said I needed juice. I fell back asleep and when I woke there was a mini cartoon of juice on the bed beside my pillow. I thought that was very friendly but it was the middle of the night so couldn't say thank you at that point, I drank it and went back to sleep. Only to be woken by the guy climbing up onto my (top bunk) bed and sticking his hand down my pyjamas and into my er... lady parts. I will add that that and 7-11 groping guy were my first ever sexual experiences. I can't say I was in a hurry to get physical after those.

I also worked at a pizza place once where the owner was a 40 year old guy and he had his young 18 year old fiance working there as manager. I was leaving once and he asked for a good bye kiss and presented his cheek to me, I felt a bit awkward but went along with it. Of course at the last second he turned so I ended up kissing his lips. Of course I laughed it off, blamed myself for falling for a cheap trick. Didn't make a fuss as my manager was his fiance and I didn't want her to blame me.

I feel SO stupid for letting these things happen but then I think... WHY am *I* the one shouldering the blame?

Anyway... yeah, please share ladies. Anything from the more 'trivial' to the full on.

 

These are so horrible.  I'm sorry you had to go through this @Kitty.  Just so so wrong.

[Kitty]

It is wrong, but I agree with your statement too, It doesn't matter if the man/woman is attractive or not, that should have no bearing on how you decide you want to be treated.