Break down

[Moonhawk]

So for many years I struggled with social and general anxiety combined with IBS. Basically I get anxious or stressed I have to find a bathroom asap. I have managed it by many different means and have somewhat remained functional and able to go places. Well in March I decided to complete quit smoking and in the beginning I was fine then the sudden waves of anxiety came, my world started to become smaller again. I stopped going to certain places, movies , malls, any outdoor place really. I just went to work and home and the occasional trip to do groceries and such. However every time I got in my car I got worse and sometimes I just decided to stay home. 

Well in the beginning of June I decided to consult with my doctor and she prescribed viibryd. Because I wasnt able to leave the house. I made a mistake and decided to Google the side effects and boy did that make me more anxious. So I began taking them and once I had to up the dose as prescribed to 20mg that's when my mind broke down and I had the worse panic attack I had in years. So bad I ended in the hospital with a very high BP. I dont have health insurance and I knew this would cost me a lot but I still couldnt control myself. Well at the hospital they did all sor tr s of test and they found just vertigo and sinusitis. So like all mental health issues they send you home with a random pill. This time something for the dizziness. At the hospital I had an uncontrollable trembling of my entire body when they put me in the cat scan machine so bad they had to take me out. Anyways went back to work the week after and a few days later had another break down. I stopped taking viibryd all together the day of the hospital and I couldnt cope, still cant. I havent been able to make it back to my office yet but i am working from home. Last week my mother suggested a psychiatrist. I emailed and got an phone appointment since I havent been able to leave my home. We had our first sessions Thursday and she recommended excersises and take a walk with my dog for 10 mins and trying to increment the time every day. She also told me to start the Viibryd again today. So far I have read 5 books on anxiety and panic attacks, will start medication today again, and started dieting and excersise

 Still not feeling much better yet but I am hopeful this too shall pass and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I have to get better I have a trip planned at the end of the month and I have to get back to my office. 

I know many of you struggle and are still struggling with your own mental demons but fuck I hate my brain more and more every damn day.

[fox]

If we're allowed to struggle, so are you.

Ugh. MH. Just. Ugh. That's rough af. 

Would it help to not read literature on side effects and/or anxiety/panic attacks? Without a shadow of a doubt, I understand the pull to that. I do it, also. I am a manic anxiety researcher. If something is going sideways, I need to know as much as possible. But. If it's adding to the issue in ways, is there any way to cold turkey it, or balance it with something else? Some fiction, or other research?

I'm really glad you have a med to try, a psychiatrist to work with, and that you're working on diet and exercise. Those are great, great things. 

Keep us in the loop? I'd love to know how things are going. (And hey - reach out of you want to chat. I have all the fucking apps.  )

Much love, hon!  

[Moonhawk]

Well today is day two of Viibryd intake and so far so good no crazy panic attacks and went for a 20 minute walk with my dog. However the storm of thoughts come and go and I get a spike here and there but not as bad. I appreciate your reply, I cant post these kinds of things on Facebook and shit because then the phone calls begin and I cant deal with explanation after explanation on what it feels like. I tried too many times with family members and even though they are trying to help most dont understand. Anyways today was a better day and I am hoping tomorrow is better. 

Thank you for replying foxy lady. Just glad I still have a place to vent

 

[fox]

You have space here. Always always.

I'm glad it was an okay day the other day. Still some roughness, but looks like still okay.  This is a big deal. Worth celebrating. I hope the week is going okay, Sugar.

[Moonhawk]

Today was better I walked 1 mile with my dog in the morning and just came back from a 4 mile walk. However before the walk my wife mentioned that have to take the dog to the groomer on Saturday and I had a panic attack rush to the bathroom while I'm just sitting at home. Anyways a day at a time. Plus side I'm losing weight because I barely eat so I dont have to use the bathroom as often and I'm exercising. So I guess there is one win. On the other hand I hate being on medication fuck I hate this. Another day another dollar

[fox]

Medication may not be forever, so hopefully that's a something. Maybe it's just for now. To help get things straightened out.

You seem to have small wins across the board. I love that. That is good. Somethings. Little somethings.

[hirondelle]

Urgh I feel for you @Moonhawk I used to have anxiety related IBS and in the end I trained myself to empty everything in the morning before I went out and then I felt I was safe until I ate plus 2-3 hours or so.  I can tell your situation is worse and I am not sure that training yourself to have vomiting and / or diarrhea at a specific time is a solution to anything (it is borderline bullimia let's be honest).  Just sharing.

Maybe try some alternative things like hypnotherapy at the same time as taking drugs?