I'm hiro and I'm an addict, kinda

[hirondelle]

I'm a bit of a mess.  I have tried to lose weight several times over the last few years and I have always end up gaining.  So although I have lost at least 30lbs I have lost them in phases and gained them back between each 'good' phase, plus more. I am now heavier than I have ever been. It is... unpleasant.  For me. To be this size.

When things are bad I binge (but I don't purge sadly),  Even when things aren't bad I can eat pretty compulsively because I THINK I am borderline diabetic and I THINK I am super sensitive to carbs so carby stuff is quite addictive to me.  Basically when I am eating badly I feel very hungry within a couple of hours of a meal.  All I can think about is food. It is sad and weak and I feel a bit ashamed of it.

I am obsessed with fully raw vegan YouTubers and so when I try to lose weight I usually try sthg influenced by this approach - smoothies and mountains of fruit and salad.  But slowly I am realising my body is more satisfied with protein and fat.  I feel at my best when I reduce carbs as far as possible. But this diet doesn't really appeal to me.  I just suspect I have more chance of success on it.

So I am going to give the low carb thing a shot.  Not fully keto (I would probably never poop again with that much fat in my diet, lol) around 30/40/30. See how that goes.  I just need to pick myself up in to believe I can change... when you have failed repeatedly you start to loose faith in yourself.  So I am hoping you guys will help. 

[fox]

I think most people do better with (lean) proteins and fats. Good fats. Avocado-y fats. And the greens and such. And yeah, carbs. All the sugar. ALL THE SUGAR. I said in the Goals thread that I have actually had to stop buying certain grocery items (largely ice cream and chips) due to my propensity for binging on them (because feels. All the (not terribly positive) feels).

I don't know if it's at all helpful, but I really like http://thebettyrocker.com/'s attitude toward food and health. (I bought her nutition guide thingy. Let me know if you want it and I'll email it to you. ON THE D/L. ...there are some good recipes in there, including many smoothies and BALLER cookies that are just chickpeas, a bit of honey/maple syrup, nut butter, and chocolate chips (I use raisins. Because I'm 95.)

ANYWAY. What I'm trying to say is that in some ways, I feel you. This is your journey and I have mine, but there's some overlapping happening and it's hard. And the guilt and the shame (with the binging - for me, anyway) are hard. And the pressure to lose weight (largely that we place on ourselves) is hard.

Let me know if/what you need and I'll help as much as I can! Support group, timez. w00! 

Edited September 26, 2017 by fox

[fox]

Also this recipe: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2014/01/28/banana-chocolate-chip-breakfast-cookies/ One of my favourite coffee break snacks. (Again, because I'm 95, I use raisins. And walnuts.)

[hirondelle]

I actually love raisins - also adding raisins to food keeps wolves away so more for me #doublewin.  I will definitely take a look at Betty (yes please - hirondellei at yahooooo dot com) though it would be REALLY nice to be able to cut my ties with sweets - it is also good to be realistic and have a healthy version to hand.  When I fail, I fail fast... and hard... and for lengthy periods of time. I just urgh... feel I have been here forever, and it is like quicksand - I struggle and get deeper. Like you say it is tied in with the mental health bullshit too.  Help would be appreciated, I feel hopeful - but also I am in that place where you are scared to feel hopeful. *hug*

[fox]

3 minutes ago, hirondelle said:

 I am in that place where you are scared to feel hopeful. *hug*

That is a place I know way too well. Hate that place.  And also 

[Timberwolf]

12 hours ago, hirondelle said:

also adding raisins to food keeps wolves away so more for me #doublewin

Nooooooooo

[Moonhawk]

Hi I’m the hawk and I’m also an addict. For a while I was counting calories and walking(I don’t run it just isn’t in my dna) I lost almost 30 lbs yet I have gained it all back and then some. I didn’t change my diet I just lowered my intake and I tracked everything I ate with an app called loose it. It tracks exercise(including intercourse), any kind of food from super market foods to restaurant foods etc. I helped me out a lot. It is time consuming but what diet isn’t. It give you a budget of calories etc per day/week/month and based on your input it tells you when you will reach your goal. The budget is based on how much you want to loose in what time period. It warns you of unhealthy things and what you eat the most, i.e. sugars or carbs, and the best part it is a free app. Anyways yes I lost a ton and was feeling much better but life happened. Now I am not only larger but I also started smoking again which it’s the worse I have done in the last 5 years. 

Trying to get back on track but it’s tough.

Mans to finish off raisins are nasty  

[fox]

Ugh. I had to give up the calorie/fitness tracker. I have issues with them. I get obsessive in a hugely unhealthy way. I don't enjoy food, I don't enjoy life, I just eat things that will enable me to lose weight for the sake of losing weight. (I have an unhealthy relationship with body image and my personal weight. It's obnoxious, and really hard to work around/accept/deal with.)

HOWEVER. They fucking work. Calorie trackers. Especially if you use them in a healthy, mindful way and don't let them run your life (like I do, every damn time). 

I DO wear a Fitbit. But I don't get obsessive about it. I do definitely recognize when I haven't hit my target, though. Mostly it works well for me as a "get off your ass" reminder.

I'm sorry life got life-y, @Moonhawk. I know that feeling. 

[Phoenix]

Yeah, I'm also a fan of calorie trackers. Just the very act of recording my food helped me a lot, but I'm still a binge eater. Therapy has helped the most with that aspect--my binge occurrences are way down.

I'm very science and evidence-driven, so being informed on dieting is maddening. There's so much pseudoscience out there and there's very few bits of evidence that can be generalized to humans in general. One kinda has to try different things and see what works for them. My best friend lately has been in-shell peanuts. I discovered that protein satisfies me more than anything, so it's nice to have something with protein in it that is portable and not require cooking, which can be really difficult for me if I'm on a day where my body's not cooperating. It's also much harder for me to binge on something that requires actual work to eat.

[hirondelle]

19 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

Hi I’m the hawk and I’m also an addict. For a while I was counting calories and walking(I don’t run it just isn’t in my dna) I lost almost 30 lbs yet I have gained it all back and then some. I didn’t change my diet I just lowered my intake and I tracked everything I ate with an app called loose it. It tracks exercise(including intercourse), any kind of food from super market foods to restaurant foods etc. I helped me out a lot. It is time consuming but what diet isn’t. It give you a budget of calories etc per day/week/month and based on your input it tells you when you will reach your goal. The budget is based on how much you want to loose in what time period. It warns you of unhealthy things and what you eat the most, i.e. sugars or carbs, and the best part it is a free app. Anyways yes I lost a ton and was feeling much better but life happened. Now I am not only larger but I also started smoking again which it’s the worse I have done in the last 5 years. 

Trying to get back on track but it’s tough.

Mans to finish off raisins are nasty  

Tryng to get back is super tough... that is where I am now.  But I am starting on Oct 1st if you wanna join me.

Sucks that you started smoking again... been there done that.  The second time I quit for good... well I like to say that, but mainly I ride the coat tails of Dom's discipline.  If it wasn't for him I'd be typing this with a cigarette hanging from my lips all Hunter S Thompson like (nobody will ever convince smoking isn't as cool AF  )

7 hours ago, fox said:

Ugh. I had to give up the calorie/fitness tracker. I have issues with them. I get obsessive in a hugely unhealthy way. I don't enjoy food, I don't enjoy life, I just eat things that will enable me to lose weight for the sake of losing weight. (I have an unhealthy relationship with body image and my personal weight. It's obnoxious, and really hard to work around/accept/deal with.)

HOWEVER. They fucking work. Calorie trackers. Especially if you use them in a healthy, mindful way and don't let them run your life (like I do, every damn time). 

I DO wear a Fitbit. But I don't get obsessive about it. I do definitely recognize when I haven't hit my target, though. Mostly it works well for me as a "get off your ass" reminder.

I'm sorry life got life-y, @Moonhawk. I know that feeling. 

I have to admit I used to love your MFP food entries.  It would be like: 3 jelly beans, 2/3 of a peanut butter cup, half a homemade banana muffin, 7.5 oz of butterscotch ice-cream, 5 Cheetos, 1/3 cup popcorn - like you asked for 1200 calories of pure joy with no vitamins    you prolly didn't know it was public lmao.  To be fair my diet looks the same - but without the restraint on serving size.  All of the jelly beans, all of the peanut butter cups... etc

 

3 hours ago, Phoenix said:

Yeah, I'm also a fan of calorie trackers. Just the very act of recording my food helped me a lot, but I'm still a binge eater. Therapy has helped the most with that aspect--my binge occurrences are way down.

I'm very science and evidence-driven, so being informed on dieting is maddening. There's so much pseudoscience out there and there's very few bits of evidence that can be generalized to humans in general. One kinda has to try different things and see what works for them. My best friend lately has been in-shell peanuts. I discovered that protein satisfies me more than anything, so it's nice to have something with protein in it that is portable and not require cooking, which can be really difficult for me if I'm on a day where my body's not cooperating. It's also much harder for me to binge on something that requires actual work to eat.

ah man the pseudoscience is awful.... especially the Plant based whole food v Keto dichotomy.  Basically they both work because both pretty much force you to give up processed food.  But they sell themselves like religion - if you don't follow THEIR diet (I am sorry lifestyle - diet is a dirty word) you are going to HELL.

Actually I can binge on in shell peanuts. Maybe you just aren't trying hard enough.

Love you guys... thank you for making me feel less alone in my addictions.

[Ren]

21 hours ago, Timberwolf said:

Nooooooooo

Do raisins work??  I am at the point I just know I am sitting to much and not enough exercise. But I have DDD and the pain is so bad walking I just want to die from it.  I have also been told now I have arthritis in my back with DDD...this just sucks so bad.

I don't eat much to tell the truth. I get less then 2000 calories a day but I guess it also has to do with the Menopause we go through.  IT JUST SUCKS... I wish MEN could go through these things. 

[hirondelle]

What is DDD @Ren?

[Ren]

Degenerative disk disease love...my lower back in L 3,4, and 5 are so messed up I can barely walk and when I do the pain is horrible. I just want to die. I would never wish it on anyone. I cry from the pain alone sometimes. It affects every aspect of ones live. from sleep to sitting to standing to being able to enjoy things you onece did. I can barely do gardening from it. 

I take  800mg Iburofen all day long, I have just started a nerve med called Gamipenton and WISH I could get the legalized Pot in the states but Nope I guess I will always have to get it from people I know and smoking Pot helps sometimes. 

Edited September 28, 2017 by Ren

[Phoenix]

Gabapentin? It helps. I feel like a zombie when I'm on it some days, but it helps. I had a bad disc in C5-C6 before I had it removed, but the one at L5-S1 is still causing trouble. Have you looked into meloxicam? With it I'm able to take one pill a day instead of guzzling ibuprofen. Much easier on the stomach and the kidneys, which I'm concerned about since I may have to take NSAIDs the rest of my life.

[Ren]

I have not Phoenix, the DR is just trying to find me a med that may help I will mention that one. I have to take the NSAIDS all the time I never thought of that. 

[Kenai]

I'm a bored eater.  Well I used to be.  I make myself eat only at certain times which has helped.  But I still really miss the days where I'd get myself a favorite snack/meal/whatever, curl up with a good book and just enjoy.

the problem with that is when I read I don't pay a whole lot of attention to the outside world... and that includes just how much I'm eating.

I don't eat and read at the same time anymore.