Aliea Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) So when this hits all I want to do is to curl up in bed and hide away from the world. But I have wife who heads to work early and a 4yr old that needs breakfast and a bath and taken to school, then I have a few hours alone were it will tear me apart peice by peice and I will try my hardest not to give in. Then I have two hours at work which I will try to place a smile on my face and get through which will cause so much mental exhaustion that by the time i get home i will not be a fully functional human, but I will have a 4yr old that will be excited to see me and I will be happy to see him too but I will also be so annoyed at his over excitement that I will probably snap at him as I have done already this morning. Today is a bad day, tomorrow will be a new day. Edited September 27, 2017 by Aliea 1 Quote
Songmistress Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 I relate, @Aliea. Most days are a challenge to get out of bed. Some days are much worse than others. And, when you have kids, it makes it even more difficult, because you have to be there for them. The days when I can't function at all, I call them my 'I can't get there from here' days. I wrote a song about it (like I do of most of my issues, feelings, etc)...I obviously wrote the song on a functioning day. Being married is an extra challenge, as well. I am lucky to have a husband who is also a good carer, but it gets hard on him. It is difficult when our spouses see us in such pain. And, guilt then comes in. Depression isn't sadness. It's debilitating weariness. I am tired. Of everything. I have found mindfulness meditation helps on some days. Not on the worst days, but on the mid range days, I find some comfort there in the practice. Do you do anything like that? 1 Quote
Aliea Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 I have just finished at CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) course which teaches you how to deal with things and it helps on my okayish days but never on my worse days other wise I'm tackling one thought after another all day long and that just becomes exhausting. Being tired never helps and I missed two days of meds which also never helps so i think today will be a right off simply because I'm just too tired to deal with it. I've been refares to another course that goes deeper into depression, that will apparently give even more techniques on how to deal with things, just not sure when that starts. It has been a long hole filled road but I'm sure we will both get there x 1 Quote
Ren Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Depression is so misunderstood. I have had it most of my life..I am on meds which help but I still have episodes where I just cry..usually on the way to or from work now..I just break down and cry. I can't and do'n't want to deal with life. So we are not alone or no support..we have each other. I have been able to use illicit drugs n things in the past but its a life long thing I think. I think that is why I have the hard time with feeling like I belong and am important to at least someone. Depression is one of the more hardest things I would wish on any one...the years and months spent on tears and fears is to much. My episodes are usually when I go to work or have had a wicked bad day. I will never be "normal" to most. Quote
Kethlia Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) Hugs all* Because even for my brother I can only listen, hug him and spend time with him when he needs it especially if his bipolar kicks in with his manic depression. A pet helped and his kids help too. Edited September 28, 2017 by Kethlia Quote
Aliea Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) Another side of depression... anxiety. Now I know you can have both on their own but most ppl with depression also tend to have anxiety. Now this is the problem, depression stops you from wanting to do anything and anxiety can make you so on edge that your body feels like it might explode. To fix depression you need to be active, but anxiety tells you you will fail, or people will laugh or think you are stupid so it stops you from being active because you become so afraid that you will do wrong. Taday I had panic attack at work. I have thought on why this happened and there are two reasons. Reason one, Thursday's are delivery day, on this day I tend to have an hour and a half on my own. This is the first time I have been alone when at work since going back. Reason two, today I was doing what is classed as my main job, I look after the news and mag section, It's a lot of work and a lot of money can go missing if not done right. Again this is the first time doing it since going back, the job I was messing up so badly before I went off ill. So basically i was alone, something my depression loves because it just loves shouting evil things at me. And i was doing a job that caused my anxiety to tell me i was going to mess up so bad that what is the point in even trying. Outcome, twenty minutes of hyperventilating and ugly crying. Not fun. In the end I shouted at myself, I am very glad that our CCTV doesn't have audio hehe. So that happened, but in the end I did my job I didn't mess it up and I laughed at my anxiety! Also ended up having a great day with my wife so despite the shit start it has been a brilliant day. In conclusion I would just like to say one thing: FUCK YOU DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY! Edited October 5, 2017 by Aliea 1 Quote
hirondelle Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 So glad this had a triumphant ending @Aliea. It was a hard read to begin with (anxiety and I have a thing too) 1 Quote
Phoenix Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Depression and anxiety together really are such a brutal combination. But it's great to savor those good moments! Quote
Aliea Posted October 6, 2017 Author Posted October 6, 2017 Please ignore the following post. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!! Quote
Tika Posted October 6, 2017 Posted October 6, 2017 ~hugs everyone~ I think it's really good to just be able to talk about these things. And @Aliea I know we're supposed to ignore that last post but I'm right there with that feeling Quote
Kethlia Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 @Aliea @Tika If that's what you feel then post it too. Quote
Aliea Posted October 13, 2017 Author Posted October 13, 2017 I hate that a set back really takes it out of you. I have been so exhausted this week I'm finding it hard to function, I save all my energy for work and so I have nothing for home and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I don't know what to do and I've been keeping myself isolated when on my own which doesn't help, I've even stayed away from here and yet here is my happy place, here is home but I just can not bring myself to interact with anything or anyone. It's funny the only thing to hold my attention is some stupid styling app I found, it is so silly but it keeps me occupied for a time at least. Anyways I miss everyone just letting you know I haven't disappeared, I lurk when I can 1 Quote
hirondelle Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 Glad you popped in @Aliea as I was starting to worry and didn't want to tag you and be too clingy. I feel like you need the equivalent of a virtual sleep pod at the Northlands. So you can be here to rest and get some love without interacting. Quote
Aliea Posted October 13, 2017 Author Posted October 13, 2017 A sleep pod would be awesome @hirondelle x 1 Quote
hirondelle Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 Ok let me make you one... if it appeals to you other people might enjoy it too. 1 Quote
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