Completing my bachelor's degree has always been one of my long term goals. My health, living situation, and drive have been major road blocks along the way, but now finally i can take my hands off the wheel and coast to graduation. My degree is in Information Technology with a Specialization in Software Analysis and Design. Most of the people I go to school with are already employed in the field one way or another and just need a piece of paper to advance their career. Me, I only come from retai
Recently on Twitter someone wrote about the storm before the calm. No I haven't gotten that the wrong way round. I know most people know it the other way around, however for me and maybe fire a lot of other selfharmers it makes a lot of sense.
The storm that rages with in me before I reach that moment is a powerful one. It is a mix of depression with a huge amount of anxiety, the kind of anxiety that makes your tummy tie in knots, that causing your chest to feel like it is crushing the air
I don't know if I can take anymore, working in the field I'm in while I'm at the lowest point emotionally I've been at in a long time if not ever. I'm 2 hours into an 8 hour shift and I just watched someone die. And it's not the first, or the last. I feel sometimes like I'm surrounded by death and sickness, maybe not feel like, I am surrounded by it.
Right now I really just want to go home, curl up in a ball and cry. I want someone to just hold me and tell me life is worth living. That
The thunder of the winter’s cold fury whispers through my mind as I a sleep. It tells me fascinating stories of when I was younger and why it all had to happen. During the day I am called Prudence Anne Jenkins. This name was placed over my head by my doting mother when I was but 3 minutes old. I am now living with a sister and 4 brothers that hate me, a dying mother that cannot stand the sight of me and the death of a greatly loved father hanging over my head. They all blame me for his death
Days are funny things.
They change constantly, no two are the same and even if you try to replicate a day it always ends up being just a cheap knockoff!
Today is a day of darkness and badness, today will tick through the hours, the sun will rise and fall and it will eventually come to an end. Bit for me, today is a battle feild, today I fight a battle in a war that I fight every day, it is just that this battle is a big one, this one is goinf to leave scars if I am not careful, today b
(Random thoughts, no consistency, hope it makes some sort of sense)
I am tired, i am stressed and being pushed to my limit. I have to hold together a family where I am the only none autistic member and it is becoming a huge struggle.
I love my family, my wife, my son even the pets that just simply drive me nuts!
But I am losing me, losing the me that can be fun that can be patiant that can enjoy her family. That is why I have this place I guess, the place I can be comfortab
So I've been missing in action for a while. I've really been struggling with depression and not wanting to interact with anyone including my own family. Most days I have to fight off the urge to just hide in my room because I know I can't do that to my kids. I grew up with a parent who would get depressed and go to bed for weeks and I refuse to let myself become that. But it's gotten really hard.
It just feels like the darkness I've been circling has swallowed me whole and I'm drowning.
As you may know or not, i'm on a long term sick leave from work, for 9 months already. It's no fun, let me tell you that, i wish i was able to work and do all the things that i want to do, and there are lots of things, big and small. From traveling or even migrating to the other side of the world to get the chance to write fanfic/story's again.
But there's one thing about it that i don't mind at all, that is as little as possible having to interact with people. I have good contact with my best
Dear Telenaz,
Do you remember that café we met in? I remember it like it was yesterday. Akram, Fadhil, Baravan, Zamanlabib and I went in there for a drink after our football match. We were so excited and happy. We had beat the club from Taji. This was the third time we’ve played them this year and we finally beat them. We couldn’t believe it. Fadhil and Baravan each scored a goal for us. We were causing such a racket because we had won. Then you walked in with your friends,
Well, it has been awhile. Yes, I wrote a story a few days ago and posted it
and I've posted here and there trough out NL. I figured I should write a blog post and let people know what's going on with me.
Back in April of 2017, I went to the States to visit my kids and my family. Before I went back to the States, I really got the urge to play ice hockey again. Now, just to give you an idea of how long it's been, the last time I played competitive hockey was back i
Before you start reading this story, I do have to make somethings very clear.
This post is very very NSFW
Like my other stories, this work is pure fiction
The characters in this story are both willing participants
This story, in no way, shows that I think men are superior to women. I fully believe that men and women are equal in all aspects of life and should be treated as such.
As this story is NSFW and adult in nature, you read at your own risk, and as
Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in the dark. Like inside of me is this huge black void and I'm just wandering around it, fumbling in the dark. Sometimes I lose my footing and I feel the edge crumbling beneath me. I can feel the emptiness there, almost a physical presence breathing down my neck. There's things in the dark, demons circling, waiting for me to trip, their anger seeps into me, changing me.
I'm afraid of who I'm becoming here. I'm losing bits of myself, I feel them slipping a
I can’t bring myself to send it to the one I want, so I’ll just leave it here.
I broke in two to ease the longing
To stop the gnawing
Of hope into my soul.
In two a thousand brittle shards
My shattered heart bled
And none can bear it.
Three empty wholes rest here
Where eyes and heart once dwell
And now drip tears of hollow hope
Into the void of silent doubt.
What kind of worth can you have
When the white line shackles tie
So I guess maybe it's time to add some more to the fairy tale. It gets a bit less action packed as time goes on.
So our "princess" had reached adulthood now. Escaping the frozen lakes of Michigan for the slightly less frozen hills of Wisconsin. It was now 1994 and a couple of months after she got back to Wisconsin she got her diploma in the mail. That summer she decided to go to stay with her grandparents in a more touristy part of the state over by the lake.
It was there she met
I had an interesting experience with a med student this week while I was in for one of my frequent clinic visits. He was researching impacts of poor health on individuals and their coping mechanisms, and he asked me a question I had not even really thought about: "how do you handle having medical conditions that are not common for persons your age?" I realized in that moment how often I had heard (from the upward of one hundred doctors and other health care workers I've interacted with over the
If swearing bothers you please... read no further cause it's about to get vulgar in here...
Fuck this fucking night and everything fucking associated with it. Friday's are bullshit. Every Friday this month I'm the only goddamn night shift cna scheduled. Now thankfully people have been coming in early or staying late but most of the time that leaves just me for at least a couple of hours.
Tonight from 2 am to 4 am there was one cna (me) and one nurse, who isn't even one
So my story is much more like the Grimm tales, dark and full of monsters with some moments of clawing your way into the light. But if you want that light you have to earn it...
So... once upon a time there was a girl. Curly haired and innocent and sweet, not a perfect angel and never would be but certainly less weathered then the current version.
As she grew she went through the things most kids do, skinned knees and imaginary friends. Some good friends but she was by nature a shy
Emily and Devin are sitting at The Citrus, one of their local restaurants that serves breakfast. “What should we do today?” Devin asked Emily.
“Well, I want to do some gardening this weekend, maybe plant some flowers along the side of the house. We’ve been talking about it for the last three years. I think it’s about time we finally do it,” Emily responded with a smile.
Devin nodded, “That’s a great idea. I think I’ll get some equipment at Home Pro and…” Devin moved back so the wai
I've mentioned elsewhere within The Northlands that I created a character called Joshua Deeds. He came from a short story I once told Autumn, made up on the spot after she requested I tell her a "Jamie story". There is a thread in The Writer's Den dedicated to quotes I have come up with, credited to Joshua, that will hopefully one day be the backbone to a second tale about him. Anyway, I am attempting to retell the original Joshua Deeds story, The Coin. I never gave him a name in the first t
How do you know when you spend too much time online? When you have dreams about people you only know online... I just had a dream that I met @hirondelle because somehow we were in the same town and we ran into eachother and were like omg!!! And then we hung out and took selfies and laughed and had a wonderful time and@Timberwolfwas jealous cause he wasn't there. And it was so happy and then I woke up and was sad cause it was only a dream and I couldn't go back to it. And then I realised it
Ok I need to rant... Work was insane tonight. I walked almost 10,000 steps in 8 hours, I changed or toileted or helped in some way probably 50 people multiple times each. We are so short staffed right now it's awful... we have 66 residents currently and tonight it was just me, 1 nurse and 1 other cna who doesn't normally work nights so I just had her answer call lights while I did everything else.
What really pisses me off is management makes like 40$ an hour and does basically nothing
Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong time. I felt kind of pretty when I got ready for work today so I took a selfie. Then when I looked at it I cringed (as I usually do). So I made it black and white and then I felt like I looked kind of pretty again.
So I look ok in black and white, or in bad lightning. My body was made for another time too, for a time when women were softer, rounder. Maybe it's my German heritage but I was built to be a bar maid in lederhosen. Cleavage for d
A little while ago, the lovely Goddess asked about culture coming through when studying language. One of the things that's very difficult to translate into English (and is thus blog-worthy) is all the nuance that gets packed into the language in a very compact way. I'll provide a couple of examples looking at names and pronouns.
Name appellations
Anyone who has heard even a little bit of Japanese conversation has heard the "san" (さん) suffix. It's a default appellation that most closely
