fox

On 7/25/2021 at 1:01 AM, hirondelle said:

For sure the fox gets hummingbird visits every day.  Love you Ogre. Love you @fox.

Foxy has a hummingbird tattooed on her person now. There are a few reasons, but he's my favourite.

15 hours ago, hirondelle said:

From the description of your blog  post (which I am looking forward to reading) it sounds like you need this t-shirt

https://thespark.company/products/riots-not-diets-feminist-t-shirt

 

Accurate. 

A lot a lot a lot of Amy Winehouse these days.

9 hours ago, hirondelle said:

Where is this post? I went to your blog and couldn't see it.

I haven't posted it yet. I wrote it. I don't hate it, but it doesn't feel ready so Ima work on it more today. Thank you for looking.  

I don't want to playact it. No "*" or "/" actions. (You can. That's not a judgement. It's just not something I can do. Right now, maybe anymore, I'm not sure.)

I've been thinking about a curious little fox curled up into a cinnamon roll ball in the corner of a field, near its forest border. The season is whatever you want it to be and the sounds are whatever you hear when you traverse a forested field. Foxy is dozing, though, and in their subconscious is the foggy thought (memory) of an onyx obelisk. It makes me smile a bit.

Tomorrow is his anniversary. Like two years ago (below), I'm not sure where to write this. I'm sad because I haven't been able to talk with him in more than nine years (nine fucking years), but I'm happy that I still get to talk to (at) him. I've thought about him a lot this year. I've missed him a lot this year. I've loved him a lot for more than a decade.

I do, Sugar. I miss you so damn much. A lot of the time. You will never not be at the front of the line, promises promises. Thank you for that, by the way. I never said thank you for that. I don't think I knew how much it meant to me then. I don't know that I still do, fully, now. I know that I'm crying now, so I should wrap this up before words get more blurry. 

I just love you, ogre. So fucking much. 

(Look at that fucking face - below. How beautiful was he, holy moly. We were so lucky to have known him. I am so lucky to have known him.)

On 7/25/2019 at 10:08 PM, fox said:

I don't know where to write this. It makes me sad - I actually surprised myself with a pretty great session of tears, I thought I was done there - but I can't be sad for the experience of him.

Today (for me) is ogre's anniversary of passing and I miss him. He will always be a love of my life. He will always be at the front of the line. And I will always regret not hugging him. (Look at him. He is so, so beautiful.) So I'm really, really sad. But I got to know him. I got to chat with him. He was one of my people. He was genuine and kind and fierce, and I am really, really happy that I knew him. 

I miss you, honey. Always, and so very much. 

 

 

Maybe "happy" isn't the right word, I'm a bit more numb than I'd like these days, but I feel a bit less weighed down after writing (a blog post about bullshit diet culture) and actually, soulfully communicating (hate. Being vulnerable is hard and itchy and I don't like it), and also raging (about The Patriarchy).

Today is weird. Ima go for a walk.

On 7/17/2021 at 8:04 AM, hirondelle said:

I am rusty too to be honest. More accustomed to talking to myself than others

Sammmmmmme.

Hi hi hi hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii all around! 

9 hours ago, hirondelle said:

 IKR, Netflix  be stealing my best years too 

Yupppp. Is...fun.... 

8 hours ago, Timberwolf said:

@fox, I might know a way to link your blog in the blog area. When I have a chance, I’ll have a look and let you know. 

All good, Wolf. But thank you for thinking of that!

9 hours ago, hirondelle said:

 

That happens also. Can you write yourself out? Or float yourself out on a lake of Rye? 

Probably, but when I get into a pit of despair I have blinders one. It's an obstacle. 

Yes! I am not and will not be A Blogger. I do not make the time for it. (Gorram Netflix.) So. I just blather when I feel inspired to blather.

I mean, on that note, I just wrote myself into a shitty dark corner, so there's some fucking life/Universe balance for you. 

Hey hey!

Do any of you cats have a non-NL blog? I built a new one semi-recently (after my brain melted): https://whiskycoffeecrows.wordpress.com/

(Zero promises for regular posting. I've made those promises before and am right shit at keeping them, so I shall save myself the guilt and just keep some space.)

How about you folks? Any bloggity bloggerinos?

Things have changed. Oooh boy, like a LOT since 2017. Which, arguably, they should. Because that's a few years. But damn, 2017 was a shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitty year in my life/head.

But that's not where we are. We're here. In 2021.

And you know what? I'm divorced, I own my house, I changed my job (an organization), I took a long medical leave, I started "happier brain" meds (SSRIs). I need to layer therapy back into that in a big way, but these are good changes. I still have shit days, but most of them, recently at least, are because I'm facing some big past demons that I need to slog away at. I don't like 'em, but they're important to face and so face them I shall.

So. Still #lovehate-ing my skull meat.

Ohhh. Yes. I'm interested. A) I need to make a routine of regular writing, B) I really want to explore creative non-fiction and this could help, and C) I have Some Shit to work through and this might be a good opportunity to tackle it at a different (non "just" journal angle). I won't make lofty promises, but I will commit to trying. Thank you for inviting me.

Happy birthday.

I love you. I miss you.

Always.

Happy I knew him. So thankful he is a part of me and my life. Thankful to be able to miss him. To love him. My life is so much richer for having him in it.

It's been eight years. (Well. It will have been eight years tomorrow, but here we are.) I really miss him. I miss him a lot this year. 

Dammit.

Diablo 3. Renewed interest. Necro expansion. Fun!

all about love by bell hooks

I mean. It COULD be banana on pizza. So....

Locke & Key

Billy Joel - Tell Her About It

The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes (Gaimain)

Because non-graphic novels are too much for me right now. 

Also a lot of tea. And coffee.