hirondelle

and this one is for @Timberwolf and @fox

And now I feel so old, I'm practically dead

Thanks @Phoenix, I think I hide / smother it in many ways. From the age of 7-17 all I wanted to be was an artist. I had a plan, school followed by art college foundation year at my local college followed by Fine Art degree in the best University I could weasel my way into (I dreamed of Slade), I had had small local exhibitions and my grades were amazing, I was known in school as that artistic kid. Then at the age of 17 I took my art a-level a year early with no prep (because I thought I was THAT good) and failed. I retook it a year later and passed but my confidence was gone and my grade was poor (art like many things is a head game - confidence is important). I couldn't bare what I felt was humiliation and switched to literature which is nice and all, but had neither the risk or reward of art. Total hubris / arrogance - I deserved the outcome, but even now 30 years later it is painful to think about it. @Songmistress has a song called 'Bottle' which basically sums up everything I feel about art. It is a beautiful song but it stings to listen to it. Still, nothing feels quite as good when I forget all the bullshit and just make art. Just meh, it could have been my life.

Would really enjoy a couple of weeks R&R in Thailand

Aw, don't you have a TV hun? I am looking at a TV with Lawrence of Arabia paused on it.

Thank you @Songmistress. Drawing is very therapeutic for me too, I just don't do it enough (I have... issues that I need to let go of). These are practice pieces - I am exploring - let's see how many I can produce... I would be more than happy to give you a couple next time I'm in the UK. I really love your art @songmistress please don't put it down. We have different styles, I'm a controlling personality so my art is quite technical and controlled too... You are more of a visionary and your work reflects that. The world needs both of us.

Do you think it is some kind of self preservation mind games you are playing with yourself?

That sucks @SoulDragon I have two friends who have suffered severe ME. They are both through it and now able to function almost like normal, but it seems you always have to protect your health for evermore. They always know how much energy they have in the tank as it were, and are very careful not to deplete it, protect their immune system, avoid stress etc. And that is now they are WELL. They had to do a lot of resting / therapy to get there,,, so you will have to be patient. If your company bails on your benefits are you entitled to govt support?

heh no worries... everyone does it, but I only correct people I care about

Coloured

Uncoloured

Uncoloured

Me three! Let's quit work and write, Oh, wait...

This one reminded me of @fox not sure why Probably the swearing, and the nihilism

Usually academic organisations have a word count plus or minus x% (in the UK 10% seems to be the standard) so I would make sure that isn't stated anywhere before exceeding the word count by too much. It depends on the focus of the assignment. If it is more of a language focus I think it is fine without percentages, but if the point is persuasive / realistic business case without figures it would be tough to get it through (real world). I would be tempted to make up the stats (I do this all the time in my work too haha). Educated guesses, not complete fiction. I won't have time to reread today but if tomorrow (Friday) is ok I might have time then. My name is Tracy. No e. Just like Icewlf has no o. It's important to me.

Welcome home cousin, nice new name! I am glad you have found your way here at last. How have you been doing?

Arrrggghhh... you keep starting things and I get excited and then you start another thing!!! It's a good start. Another good start.

tough story @Tika I am sorry you went through that

They should masturbate, but not on cam to strangers... picky picky picky

haha come on @icewlf there are beautiful Thai girls everywhere... we just can't seem to persuade you to take one home

also drugs are good

@Timberwolf Goddess: I love you Wolf: I love you too Goddess: I want you Wolf: I want you too Goddess: I need you Wolf: I need you too

Ok please be gentle with me. This is the only place I dare post this and it is definitely controversial but I have to express myself or I will go crazy. Before I say anything let me make the following clear: Harvey Weinstein is predator and his behaviour was despicable I feel terrible for any woman who suffered sexual abuse or harassment at the hands of a man. If it was you I am sorry that happened to you and wish we lived in a world where it was unheard of. However I am really struggling with the #metoo hashtag campaign. I can see why it is possibly needed but I wish it was different. Very briefly (there is a lot I can say but I will try to stay focussed) this is why: Some of the worst sexual harassment I have witnessed in my own organisation was a male upper manager harassing a male senior teacher. When the senior teacher complained about it the upper management closed ranks and the senior teacher lost his job through 'restructuring'. (For the record I was his second / witness through the whole process, the Senior Teacher was actually disciplined for being homophobic). I have also heard a case of a female upper manager propositioning a male junior staff member, as well as a male manager propositioning a female staff member. In both cases the junior staff member rebuffed the advances and the story ended. However in the case of the male manager he lost his job in a re-organisation exercise a year later which was ostensibly unrelated. Among the people I know I have known men and women who suffered sexual abuse at the hands of men, the most distressing case I know of personally happened a young boy and was committed by an older boy. In the Hollywood-type abuses cases although I do not blame the victims neither do I blame only the perpetrators. Powerful men have been allowed to evolve in a culture that was co-created by men and women. Blind eyes were turned by just as many Meryl Streeps as Ben Afflecks (despite the butter wouldn't melt in her mouth attitude now). I do not accept the narrative of the patriarchy. When I was a kid I pulled the legs of insects and burned ants with my magnifying glass like a boy. I am capable of taking advantage to someone weaker than me, I bullied people at school (I was also bullied), as a teenager I pursued (unsuccessfully) older married men with far more passion than boys my own age, if I had been a rock star I would have fucked groupies, if I had been a female Harvey I may have asked Ryan Gosling to watch me shower. This trait is not gender based, it is just a streak you have and you learn to control (or not). In summary, cruelty is natural but we do not have to accept it. However we can only fight it is we take joint responsibility of the culture that enabled it. Abuse and harassment happens to men and women, and if the perpetrators are mostly men it is because they have the power - give more power to women and we will abuse it too. The current #metoo campaign is trying to make men monsters and the world is just not that black and white.

My mum did that to a large extent, but what she couldn't see and what everyone around her could see is that is was a kind of unwanted martyrdom. Yes, my dad took advantage of it as men of that generation were inclined to do, negligently rather than maliciously... but I think he would have preferred the slightly more selfish version of her. Their marriage would have been more fulfilling for both of them if she hadn't made it so easy for him to take her for granted. I know every story is different but I guess you have to balance what you want to do for your children and how you want to empower them. You have to model independence as well as be there for them. I know you know this. Glad to hear you found a way to find yourself again @Squarepeg also enjoy the photographs that come from your solitary walks and coffees.

Ouchie...poor MC, hopefully the missus will nuzzle them better for you